Critter Profile: Garuda!

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Critter Profile: Garuda!



Name: Garuda

Species: Unknown (Garuda calls himself a ‘Karasu Tengu’)

Primary Caretaker: Terrestrial Team, Hagimatsu Yufuyu

Diet: Whiskey, Tequila, Vodka and other alcoholic drinks, assorted nuts (Because drinking alone is bad for you)

Housed: Scouters Mountain Nature Park, Off-Limits Area

Creature Features!

Explaining “Garuda” without causing confusion is very difficult. For starters, the picture above isn’t of Garuda, but of a wooden carving made in his image by the Japanese people in the olden days. Garuda refuses to be photographed, explaining it’ll drain his soul.

Garuda is as smart as a human being, maybe smarter than that; I mean, he can even speak, you know? He also has magical powers, and can read the minds of people and animals, and control fire and wind at will. He has the physique of a strong adult man, and his face, like in the picture above, resembles the combination of bird and man. He has black feathers growing from his back, and is able to swiftly fly about.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Wilson’s is either collecting mutants to play superhero, or they’re a shady organization that combine humans and animals on some basement.” Let me tell you, we’re not members of the X-men, or mad scientists straight out a B-movie. There’s a reason the Wilson’s are protecting Garuda. We’ll get there in a bit.

Garuda has lived for a very, very long time. I don’t know if it’s true, but Garuda claims to be immortal (When I asked him why he feared his soul being sucked out if he was immortal, he laughed and brushed me off). Because of this, he’s been involved in many events throughout his life. Garuda lived in Japan (Hence the oriental vibes) and was involved in the birth of the Ninja!

Yup, you’re imagining it right, the shuriken-throwing kind of ninja. Garuda was atop a mountain in Japan, teaching something called Shugendō to someone long ago. This person, a Shugendō master, went on to become a ninja. He used to live on Mount Kurama long ago, and taught a young cow how to swing a sword. What kind of sword can a cow use?1

Special Needs and Accommodations!

Garuda seems to love mountains. After consulting our Supervisor about a mountain where people wouldn’t find him, Garuda was allowed to live in the off-limits zone of the Scouters Mountain, near the town of Boring. Garuda seems to be pleased with the view from Scouters Mountain, and says he’d be happy to live there for a hundred years or so (Some sort of Garuda-style joke?).

Garuda told me a ninja comes to see him from time to time, but no staff member has been able to see them. If you see any ninjas, please let me know.

Advice on Garuda!

Garuda says he’s able to live without needing to eat, but loves to drink and feast, and has a fondness for gambling. Even if you’re a heavy drinker, never attempt to keep up with him. He once managed to drink a whole barrel of wine in one evening (Where does all that wine goes?). No matter how strong the hangover you have gets, animal care cannot wait, and we cannot rush an ambulance to the mountaintop. That’s directed at you, Michael.

Garuda’s growing love for booze has recently gotten him into making moonshine. It’s for Garuda’s personal consumption and not for sale, but it’s much higher than personal use quantities, so if by any chance the police finds about it, they won’t let us off the hook. At first he was making alcohol using rice (Called doburoku, apparently), and lately he’s been growing Agave at the site in order to make tequila (I hope he doesn’t get Wilson’s involved in bootlegging). Drink in moderation, Garuda!



The massive tornado Garuda generated.
If you squint your eyes, you can see the cars flying by!

The day we met Garuda, we were driving towards a bake sale as part of a fundraiser for Wilson’s. Suddenly, I saw a huge tornado in the distance. I panicked and tried to get us out of there, when the tornado disappeared as suddenly as it had manifested. I saw that and then it hit me: This must have been caused by a strange creature.

We decided to call off the bake sale, and find the source of the tornado. There, we found Garuda, covered in blood and with a huge hole on his abdomen. Even in that state, Garuda didn’t complain of any pain, and seemed to be in a good mood. I nervously asked if he was doing alright with his injury, and he replied he was doing just fine, and that the wound would seal up in no time. I doubt anyone could look at it and think he was ok. We persuaded him into letting us take him to Wilson’s medical office. Well, in reality the wound healed while we were getting there (Incredible resilience, yeah?). When I asked him what had happened, he told me a group of heavily armed hunters called the GOC had fired at him, Garuda retaliating by generating the tornado. He seemed to be glad he’d been able to go on a rampage for the first time in a long while.

Garuda found the town of Boring the opposite of it, and we at Wilson’s couldn’t agree more. He talked to us about living here for a little while. Garuda said it would be fun to be targeted by hunters, but we told him Boring would be wiped off the map were he to retaliate through the use of more tornadoes. We’ve had been dealing with hunters for some time now, and we wanted to make sure Garuda would be safe while he lived here. We’re not a group of heroes though; we’re a wildlife conservation group. We cannot fight against heavily armed poachers. That’s when I came up with the idea of asking our Supervisor for help. If Garuda is placed under temporary protection, they would lend us a hand.

I could tell from our brief conversations that Garuda was not human, even though he looked like one, and was very smart (At least smarter than me). I thought it’d be rude for an animal conservation group to protect Garuda, but after politely explaining the situation, Garuda cheerfully accepted my offer. Garuda can read the minds of people, so he was well aware of this issue.

Ever since Garuda began living here, we began getting… Getting messenger crows, instead of pigeons. The sender was a group of ninjas called the Mujin-Getsudō-Shū (The Mujin-Getsudō-Shū seems to be composed of ninja groups from many places). I thought Garuda was a sprite of some sort, but to the ninja, he’s akin to a deity. They hadn’t heard from Garuda since he’d left on a trip, and were very thankful to Wilson’s for letting him stay here. Michael jokingly replied to the Mujin-Getsudō-Shū that he too would love to throw shurikens like them, and they sent him a shuriken alongside instructions on how to throw it (What a crow, to be able to carry it!). Thanks to this, Wilson’s is having a ninja boom. Garuda has brought us all together as if by magic.

Farewell to Garuda?

We had intended to have temporary custody of Garuda, but when we sent a summary report of Garuda to our Supervisors, they began saying they wanted to keep full custody of him. We disagreed, so I decided to set up a meeting with both our Supervisors and Garuda to discuss the matter.

I apologize, but I got too worked up during the discussion and can’t remember many details.

Garuda said he didn’t trust the Supervisors, and that he would go on a rampage if he was to be taken under their supervision. The Supervisors replied that if he were to go on a rampage, they would incarcerate him and be forced to use military force if needed. After that, Garuda gave a signal, and ninjas from the Mujin-Getsudō-Shū began pouring out the walls and other places they’d been hiding in, and began fighting other armed people who were also hiding at Wilson’s (There were Supervisors and also hunters there, for some reason).

The Supervisors are an immense aid to us for managing Wilson’s. Garuda and the ninjas have been here for a short time, but have already become close friends; everyone present is (With the exception of the hunters). I didn’t want to see them fight. When the battle started, the spaces we have for the animals that took us so much to build began being destroying. I started seeing red, my memories of the fight a blur. At that time, Garuda stopped fighting when he saw me in tears, furious. The Supervisor in charge proposed a ceasefire, and the conflict momentarily settled down.

The third sentence of the fifth paragraph of the Boring Agreement states that:

"All fauna anomalies which the Supervisors designate Safe or Euclid class, based in Oregon, are to be contained by Wilson's Wildlife Solutions, with supervision by the Supervisors."

In other words, if Garuda remains obediently under the supervision of Wilson’s, there is no need for us to turn him over to the Supervisors. Both Garuda and the Supervisors were fine with this, and the matter was settled. And the facility will be repaired by all that damaged it, so that settles that as well. Nice to meet you again, Garuda.

Biggest News since the Founding of Wilson’s!


This is a shuriken Garuda made for decoration
Not for sale!

We’ve always been concerned about Garuda’s love for alcohol. The amount of alcohol drunk per day kept increasing day after day, so we had to restrict it due to a lack of funds (In reality, we get donations from the Supervisors and ninjas, so I’m not in that much trouble!). Garuda then offered to help us with increasing funds if we increased his alcohol intake. Following this, I asked him to help us with a bake sale.

Garuda made an immense amount of rice cakes and rice crackers for the bake sale. He even partnered with the Mujin-Getsudō-Shū to decorate the stall ninja-style, and they even made origami ninja goods to give the children as freebies! Then, customers began flocking to the bake sale due to the ninja theme, and it propelled a ninja boom, especially among the children. And then… Surprise! A local cable static came to cover the bake sale! You can’t say this town’s “Boring” anymore. I never would have guessed Garuda had such incredible talent!

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