SCP-4373
rating: +12+x

As the clicks and clacks of Researcher Charlotte Mehr's keyboard slows, she knows she is almost finished. She wasn't left with much, as SCP-4373 left quite fast and left quite a few questions. She stared at her barebones work, tending to its inconsistencies.

Her work was hastily interrupted by a chime of a doorbell, Mehr instinctively turned her head towards her door. Only then did she realized, that she didn't have a doorbell, as she was in her office. She reluctantly removed herself from her work and her chair and teetered towards her office door. She looked up and saw nothing, she looked down and saw something. A newspaper sat near the doorframe, with a yellow sticky note attached on the front beckoning her to read it's message.

Dear SCP Foundation Worker "Charlotte Mehr",

While we do not approve of your racist remarks, we have a policy to deliver a free copy of the Knowing Publishing Newsletter to all who are featured in it, a policy we will uphold here.

-L


She gazed at the note in utter confusion, and then down at the newspaper it was attached to in even more utter confusion.



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Issue #2837, 2/12/2545


Item #: SCP-4373

By: Falsa Nominis


Most of us know who the SCP Foundation is — a group of people who think too hard about things, collect literature, and occasionally steal lamps, but little known fact about this organization however is their hotel suites across Earth. From the mountains of their Thailand, to the depths of the Atlantic Ocean, their suites contain the most interesting people and cater to all of the abnormal. But just because it caters, doesn't mean what they're serving is enjoyable.

As soon as someone enters one of their facilities, whether it be through extradimensional transportation or by phasing through their large steel front doors, multiple armed guards will come to escort them to their room. While it is nice that they care dearly for the safety of their patrons, slamming guests onto the ground and placing them into handcuffs does come off as a bit too harsh. Safety is good, but strictness is dictatorial and fundamentally flawed.

Their "Special Containment Procedures", as they playfully call them, are abysmal. Their "Humanoid Containment Chambers", are bland and uninspired, being only a concrete room with a bed, toilet, and sink. The paint on the walls is chipping, and there are various odd stains over the walls that could have very well be mold.

The armed housekeepers are very harsh too, if someone bothers asking for a book or anything of the sort, they will just tell them to "shut up" and call them quite rude and dehumanizing names like "SCP-4373". They try to make up for this by giving out free ugly orange jumpsuits, jumpsuits that were clearly tailored to fit more human proportions.

They're also appears to be some form of mandatory doctor visits, where they list off things based off of their patron's description, and ask very rude and downright racist questions about one's appearance. Questions like "Why do you look like this?" and "How can you support that many arms on your torso?" that most assume to be very rude questions to ask with very simple answers fling out of their mouths like nothing.

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The logo for "The SCP Foundation".

If one thinks it's odd that someone has 6 arms, 3 eyes, grey skin, and no facial orifices, they can keep their opinions to themselves, and judge someone by their character instead of their meaningless looks. Researcher Mehr, age undisclosed, was one of these doctors.

"We just need to ask you some basic questions," Mehr said, "We aren't use to people of your, appearance."

When questioned about the quality of their establishment, they had this to say. "If you have any requests for things you want in your cell, I can take them and pass them onto my superiors."

The SCP Foundation does not let patrons leave their rooms except at When the Sky is the Brightest Gray, during which is a lunch break at their cafeteria, which is in much better shape than the rooms. The other patrons are kind and friendly, some of them say that they have been here for several years. One guest, Daytoo Ayteen, 39, has been staying for about a month.

"The place grows on you fast" Ayteen said, "It's a bit crazy and weird at first, but like, you just get use to weirdness, like, you just feel normal to me."

These hotels may grow onto people, but it does in the same way as a fungus, or a tumor, slowly consuming their bodily functions. It's a Stockholm Syndrome of being held for so long in such dilapidated conditions, that they begin to view the appalling as the normal.

While the SCP Foundation may have the motto of "Secure, Contain, Protect", they might as well have the motto of "Strict, Cheap, Prejudiced". They're rooms are as bad as the etiquette of their staff, and the fact that they have stolen so much fine literature from Knowing Publishing, doesn't help their case.

Although they might be the largest hotel and fine literature chain on Earth, the size of their organization matches quite perfectly with the size of their ego and noxious personality. If one ever finds themselves in need of a good place to stay on Earth, try The Serpent's Hand, and steer clear of the SCP Foundation.


Good memetic summer reads

By: Pséftiko Ónoma


Knowing Publishing has quite the high quantity of books, all with high quality. From books that'll make you feel happy, ones that'll make you feel sad, and ones that'll make you feel nothing at all, our collection of literature stretches all four corners of the multiverse. Many of these books are being released in bulk on 2/33/2545, so make your way down to you're nearest helicopter supply drop point and pick yours up today! Here are some of the new titles you can look forward to.

Learning Grammar, The Hard Way: Originally a commissioned piece, Learning Grammar, The Hard Way is a great notebook to give to your children. While it may not be a book, it is most certainly a great literary tool to be used. After a while of writing through this book, your child will start writing better in no time! You can easily see the improvement! Or possibly you won't be able to see at all, depends on what they write.

Click Clack Moo, Cows that Type: A grand old take on an timeless Earth book, Cows that Type follows the story of, well, cows that type! Utilizing some of our own methods allowing our own editor here at Knowing Publishing Imya Fal'shivoy Belki who is a grey squirrel to write, you can make the story truly come to life.

LAW EXPLAINED: LAW EXPLAINED is a good book to give to your child in need of a good explanation of law, open it up and, who knows what might become a law! Bears could be illegal, yodelling could become a required class in school-

CONTINUED ON PAGE 3A


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Turn to Page 2A to learn more about The Serpent's Hand!




This newsletter is brought to you by Knowing Publishing. To sign up for a membership, scream Latin chants as loud as possible until we hear you.




Mehr felt, offended, almost. She did not know how to feel towards this. She picked up the paper and brought it to her desk, and clicked a couple of buttons on her keyboard, and pressed enter.







SCP-4373

AUTOMATED NOTICE FROM THE FOUNDATION RECORDS AND INFORMATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION

This page is incomplete and has not been officially reviewed by RAISA, inconsistencies may persist.


Item #: SCP-4373

Object Class: Uncontained

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4373 is no longer under Foundation control, and is theorized to no longer be within PU-1 (Parallel Universe-1)1. If SCP-4373 remanifests, it is to be contained in a standard Humanoid Containment Chamber within Site-20. SCP-4373 is to be granted access to approved books and literature.

Description: SCP-4373 is a humanoid organism of feminine proportions with grey skin pigmentation. SCP-4373 is capable of speaking and writing advanced English although it does not possess an orifice that would give SCP-4373 speech capabilities. SCP-4373 possesses six arms, three being on each side of its abdomen. SCP-4373's face is composed of three green eyes, arranged in a triangular formation. The internal structure of SCP-4373 is currently unknown.

SCP-4373 is capable of dimensional transportation via the opening of Class-B Wormholes, which are theorized to send SCP-4373 to KP@PU-52, wherein GOI-241 ("Knowing Publishing")3 is located. SCP-4373 is docile, attempting to question personnel about their personal lives and the facility itself, and frequently asking for reading material.

SCP-4373 was discovered after manifesting within Site-20, wherein it began to prompt personnel and D-Class with questions about the facility. Shortly after, SCP-4373 was placed into Foundation custody.

Addendum 4373-1: Interview with SCP-4373.

INTERVIEW LOG


Interviewer: Researcher Charlotte Mehr

Interviewed: SCP-4373


[BEGIN LOG]

Mehr: Hello, SCP-4373-

SCP-4373: Please don't call me that, My name is, well you can call me Falsa Nominis. I just need to ask you a few questions, then I'll be out of your hair.

Mehr: I'm sorry but, you won't be leaving anytime soon.

SCP-4373: Listen, I wish I could stay, but I need to get back soon. I hope you can understand.

Mehr: We just need to ask you some basic questions. We aren't used to people of your, appearance.

SCP-4373: What is that supposed to mean?

Mehr: First off, is there a reason why you look like this?

SCP-4373: Excuse me? That's, that's very rude of you.

Mehr: So you were born this way?

SCP-4373: Obviously. This is just, harsh. Very harsh. I was expecting an organization with such diverse patrons to be more… welcoming, but this. Wow.

Mehr: I'm, uh, sorry if I offended you, but as for your anatomy, how can your body possess this many arms? How does your bone structure look?

SCP-4373: OK, this, this is just getting weird, weird and creepy. Can we change the subject, please? Uh, how do you feel about the conditions of guest rooms?

Mehr: Guest r-, do you mean the Humanoid Containment Chambers?

SCP-4373: Yes yes, whatever you call them. Don't you feel they are a bit, barebones, perhaps?

Mehr: If you have any requests for things you want in your cell, I can take them and pass them onto my superiors.

SCP-4373: Oh, so is it like a request system? I tried asking one of the housekeepers for a book, he was quite rude you know. Called me that "4372" name like you.

Mehr: 4373, that's your official designation here.

SCP-4373: Hmm, so is that my room number? 4373? It must be a big place. How is this place laid out?

Mehr: I can't say that, that's above your classification.

SCP-4373: Classification? How is anyone supposed to find their way around here if you make the layout employees only?

Mehr: Ok, wait, this is getting off-topic. How are you able to speak without any form of mouth?

SCP-4373: And we're back to this again, I'm terminating this interview, I can't ask simple questions without being, berated for my looks.

Mehr: If you are going to be unresponsive, then this interview is over.

SCP-4373: I mean, I just said that.

[END LOG]


Addendum 4373-2: After approximately two days in containment, SCP-4373 exclaimed "I think this is enough", and suddenly demanifested. Attempts to relocate SCP-4373 in nearby areas failed. SCP-4373 is believed to be within KP@PU-5.






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