Dr. Rey's personnel file
rating: +7+x


Regardless of what he might tell you, Dr. Rey is not a toucan embedded in human society. Him saying otherwise means he deems you dumb enough to believe it. In such a case, you are officially authorized to feel offended.



Dr. Rey, here demonstrating one of his favorite passtimes : "correcting" students' papers.

Name: Vardan Reyas Vikat

Main Clearance Level: 3

Age: 37

Field of operation: Theory teaching at Site-Samech: mathematics, physics, chemistry, and anomalous sciences. Renowned for his professionalism, and the deep respect from his students.1

Description: During his free time, the Afghan teacher can be found in teacher's room no12 of Site-Samech, discussing the harsh requirements of his job as a teacher with his coworkers (despite a noted tendency to not respect said requirements). Easily identifiable from his barely existent goatee and mustache, the enigmatic symbol tattooed on his forehead, and his hairstyle which could hardly be described as anything but disastrous, the teacher usually wears circular glasses (often resting low on his nose to peeve people running into him), as well as a non-regulatory lab coat bearing the inscription "To not get hurt during the lessons, don't forget your pure cotton lab coat!" (torn, burnt, and otherwise annihilated in several places).

Dr. Rey used to wear a fireproof lab coat, later lost in an unfortunate fire incident.

Dr. Rey's humor is described as alkali (though it is rarely described); one of his favorite pass-times is to elect among site personnel the persons he deems most gullible, and to convince them of improbable things, for instance his body is a robot controlled by an unusually intelligent toucan on an infiltration mission among humans.

The teacher used to exhibit kleptomaniacal tendencies, which he now compensates by stealing packets of salt at Site cafeteria B. Several years of this habit have lead to an uncanny collection of salt packets, disseminated across the whole site most of the site (the only unaffected location appears to be the cafeteria).


This is not Dr. Rey.
(Illustration by FloriakFloriak)

Job-wise: The methods used by Dr. Rey are usually described as rather esoteric, for instance, he tried several time to dissolve students' papers with bad orthography into acid (as well as wrongdoing students). The quality of Dr. Rey's lessons was described as highly variable, becoming a kind of "meme" utilised by his coworkers ("My pay rise? My pay rise is as existent as the quality of Rey's work").

Following a vote by the directors of Site-Samech, it was decided that teachers could no more threaten their students of swapping all their lessons with Dr. Rey's (threat was deemed "inhumane, although effective").

In lieu of unfortunate events, Dr. Rey is now forbidden from organising class projects involving fire, explosions, insects, sharp objects, home appliances, monkeys, concrete, sea food, masonry tools, cup-and-balls, Freemasonry tools, gargoyles, mites, or [REDACTED] (specifically during winter time).

Investigations are ongoing about the potential connection between Dr. Rey and a mysterious unidentified individual patrolling the corridors of Site-Samech, referring to himself as "Naclord, the salt man", and appearing in locations of ongoing arguments to throw salt packets at involved persons, yelling "ARE WE SALTY YET?". Dr. Rey and other researchers are suspected of acting as providers; the ISD recently began investigating a theoretical salt packet trafficking network, perhaps spanning across more than one Foundation Site.

Dr. Rey spends his free time on several activities including acquiring anomalous items for his class projects, and "correcting" students' papers using various devices. Many wonder why Dr. Rey's lessons have never been inspected.


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