Exploration Mission Report 466-FR-01
rating: 0+x

On 16 July 2007, twenty-two (22) Foundation researchers descended from Pierre Murat gathered at Site-Aleph to materialize and then explore SCP-466-FR-A. This document is a transcript of events by Dr Vicat, the experiment supervisor.

10:30 AM. All summoned personnel have arrived at the rally point and are gathered around the pot where the soup is being prepared. The chosen experiment site is a stretch of lawn near Wing 38 of the Site, where we can mess around with cottages without getting a noise complaint from the accounting department. In red spray paint, I define a thirty (30) meter perimeter around the hotplate before giving out my instructions.

Dr Vicat: Your attention please: I am Dr Maxime Vicat, supervisor of your activities for today. Here are your directions. Firstly, using the ingredients you see here and our equipment, preparing the cottage pottage following the recipe we all know by heart. Then, everyone stays out of this perimeter while the anomaly appears.

Agent Kervran: (whispering) So we won't get to taste the soup?

Dr Vicat: No, you fool. Your internal organs would hate you for it. Finally: once the transformation is complete, we will enter the building and gather as much data as we can: photographs, video, measurements and interrogations. Remember: if PoI-1702 asks you anything, you are merely a traveler looking for a refreshment. With no further delay, let's all get in place.

The rapidity of SCP-466-FR-A's materialization is quite impressive. Once the last traces of yellow substance have withered away to reveal a much more appetizing cottage, I instruct my team to converge at the center of the perimeter. With an unusually high amount of bliss for our line of work, we enter the object.


The Main Lounge.

We arrive into a room we have dubbed the Main Lounge. It is a square area, about twenty (20) meters across, furnished with coffee tables and wooden and willow chairs, and decorated with oaken bureaus, buffets and gueridons. On the opposite side of the room is PoI-1702's counter, where she takes orders and handles finances. The list of beverages and pastries available is displayed on the adjacent wall; unsurprisingly, this is the first item personnel decide to "investigate."

While Dr Sirc is tasked with distracting the housemaster, every nook and cranny of the room is thoroughly searched. This initial assessment reveals that the area informally known as the Main Lounge does not feature any major anomalies, but presents a slight shapeshifting ability sensitive to human observation: when a drawer or other hollow object is opened, the contents will be different upon each opening.

After admiring the gorgeous impressionist paintings hung on the northern wall, I notice that Dr Sirc is attempting to create, between PoI-1702 and himself, bonds that would be inappropriate between a Foundation researcher and person of interest. I firmly grab him by the shoulder and address a short sentence to PoI-1702.

Dr Vicat: I'll have a grenadine please, I'll be at this table.

I forcefully drag Dr Sirc to Drs Rey and Gris's table.

Dr Sirc: I was only gaining the subject's confidence!

Dr Vicat: Of course you were. One more minute, and I would have had to censor part of my report. Any progress?

Dr Gris: We made the reality fluctuation measurements, nothing to see there.

Dr Vicat: Good. What about you, Charles? What can you tell us about the person of interest?

Dr Sirc: Oh, she's really nice, polite, charming… she says she's not aware of any unusual behavior from her house: we could be looking at an anti-memetic effect.

Dr Vicat: Is that all? You really should have focused on her words and not her curves.

Dr Rey: (spitting and coughing) My tea is salty! Is there salt in this sugar bowl?

Dr Gris: It was sugar last time we checked, the contents must have changed in the meantime.

Agent Kervran: Doctor Vicat? Marguerite told me to give you this.

Dr Vicat: Ah, my grenadine, thanks. Couldn't she bring it over in person?

Dr Rey: About that… Take a quick look at her, Maxime. She's been staring at you ever since you walked into her cottage. See, now that you're looking, she stopped. Looks like you have an admirer, and she's too shy to confess. Lucky you!

Dr Vicat: Well, I'm not taking this anywhere. Need I remind you all that we are currently at work, and not at a bar- well, we are, but you know what I mean.

I notice that the paintings, on the wall, have changed: while before, they depicted sunrises and spring landscapes with warm tones, they now show dark night skies and winter forests. At this moment, PoI-1702 rushes to the center of the room and addresses her patrons.

PoI-1702: Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourselves: another pottage has been prepared! We're about to move.

Dr Gris: Oh! What do we do? Should we leave?

Dr Vicat: No, while we're here, we might as well continue the exploration. We shouldn't end up very far, and we have GPS tags anyway.

I myself head to the center of the room to announce my instructions.

Dr Vicat: Your attention please: we're staying.

The announcement seems to please the crowd: in addition to a free coffee break, the Foundation is now offering them a joyride. This enthusiasm soon fades when it is noticed that the structure of the building is beginning to collapse at an alarming speed.

Dr Sirc: Say… is it gonna hurt?

PoI-1702: No, no. Well, not that much.

The pain is unbearable.

Once the relocation is complete, the building takes on normal proportions again and the landscape visible from the windows is quite different from the surroundings of Site-Aleph. As the people responsible for the newer pottage enter the Main Lounge, It is much to my surprise that I recognize Monsignor Battilana and Monsignor Minotti, high-ranking officers from the disciplinary wing of the Knights of Saint-George, along with a dozen of their subordinates. These gentlemen's role in their organization is to decide and apply sanctions, from mere slaps on the wrist to executions. I have personally had the occasion to work with them in the context of containment breaches involving both our organizations.

After giving out instructions to their men, they go sit at a table in the back of the room, where I join them.

Dr Vicat: Talk about a surprise!

Msgr Battilana: Indeed, that was not really part of the plan.

Dr Vicat: Good lord, lighten up! You're awfully pale, you look like you just buried a body. I take it you've had it with disciplinary and decided to try research instead?

Msgr Minotti: Exactly.

Dr Vicat: I can't blame you, this place is really charming. I didn't even know the Knights were aware of the Pottage Cottage, do you come here often?

Msgr Battilana: Rather frequently, yes.

Dr Vicat: I sure wonder what interest the Pope could have in that soup.

Msgr Battilana: That is something we are not allowed to disclose.

Dr Vicat: Naturally…

Dr Vicat: (To Dr Sirc and Dr Rey conversing with PoI-1702) GO BACK TO WORK, YOU TWO!

Dr Vicat: Good lord, this Marguerite is attracting my personnel like flies to a honeypot. You're lucky enough to work with clergymen, they must be used to resisting temptation. Between us, I must admit that she is indeed quite beautiful. You can say it, I won't repeat it to your bishop.

Msgr Minotti: I fail to see what is so special about her.

Msgr Battilana: She does not seem that attractive to me. Especially when you know what she does…

Msgr Minotti: Silence, Andrea!

Dr Vicat: Oh, don't you worry, even the best of use accidentally reveal classified information sometimes. Whatever it may be, I'll eventually find out about it myself.

The Knights of Saint-George and Foundation employees are now sitting at the same tables and sympathizing in a way that violates the most basic security protocols. However, the two clergymen seem too worried about god-knows-what to address the issue, and I do not have the time nor patience to take care of it by myself. It is at this time that I notice, in the corner of the Main Lounge opposite to the counter, a large burlap bag containing a still object with vaguely human proportions. I am surprised to not have spotted it earlier.

I head to PoI-1702's counter to interrogate her. It has supposedly been done by the exploration team, but I doubt their ability to remain focused this day.

Dr Vicat: Looks like we're finally talking face to face. I apologize for my personnel's behavior, they're not usually this… um, this…


Dr Vicat: Um… I have some questions I would like to ask, if you don't mind. For my job.

(PoI-1702 winces)

Dr Vicat: I'll take that as a yes… Firstly, how did you acquire this building? Did it already exhibit shape-shifting properties at that point?

(No answer)

Dr Vicat: May we access other rooms? Your utility room, for example? Or the second floor?

(No answer)

Dr Vicat: Alright… Can I at least know why you didn't bring me my drink in person?

PoI-1702: Go on man, keep dodging the issue. (PoI-1702 retreats to the utility room.)

I am clueless as to why she addressed me in this way: while she seems so polite with everyone else, PoI-1702 speaks so sharpy and informally to me that it made me wonder if I had killed her in a past life. The painting on the Northern wall have changed once again: they now depict blood red war scenes. I walk back to Drs Rey, Gris and Sirc's table.

Dr Vicat: I don't remember who said I had an admirer, but they were wrong.

Dr Gris: By the way, about Marguerite… do you think she's interested in women?

Dr Vicat: Good lord, I thought you were about to say something useful… Do your goddamn job!

Dr Rey: That's exactly what we're doing. Look what we found in this dresser.

Dr Vicat: Pierre Murat's journals! Now that's progress. Let's see… He worked for the Singular Imperial Academy, interesting.

Dr Gris: There's even a portrait. Look how similar you two look, Maxime! It's almost like you're twins!

Dr Vicat: Well, he is my ancestor. I admit the haircut is particularly convincing. What about the burlap bag in the corner, have you inspected it?

Dr Sirc: No, I only noticed it when the Knights arrived. We can all agree it looks like a cadaver, right?

Dr Gris: It's not a cadaver, I saw it moving.

Dr Vicat: Alright, I'm gonna go check it out.

As I'm about to unseal the burlap bag, I feel Agent Kervran pull me by the shoulder and drag me to a small crowd of researchers and Knights gathered in front of a door.

Agent Kervran: Doctor Vicat, take a look at this! Every time we open this door, there's something different behind it!

The agent opens the door to reveal a dark, 2 m² supply closet containing boxes and cleaning equipment. After closing and opening again, we are facing a bright, spacious patio decorated with outdoor furniture. This is the same shape-shifting ability observed earlier, but to a bigger scale.

I lay eyes on PoI-1702, who is intensely staring at me. Agent Kervran opens the door, but this time, there is nothing but a clumpy yellow substance similar to the Cottage Pottage. Marguerite then looks away and notices the open door, at which point the substance withers away to reveal a bathroom, shower and bathtub included. PoI-1702 therefore appears to control this shape-shifting effect in one way or another, despite what she claimed earlier.

Dr Vicat: You've had your fun with this closet, keep searching.

I decidedly walk back to the bag, before being interrupted by Monsignor Battilana and Monsignor Minotti.

Dr Vicat: Will anyone let me do my job?

Msgr Battilana: We need to leave immediately.

Dr Vicat: Leave? Why? We've been here for less than thirty minutes!

Msgr Battilana: I am not allowed to disclose it, but we must go as soon as possible.

Dr Vicat: How convenient. It looks to me like you're trying to get rid of us so you can have the anomaly to yourselves.

Msgr Battilana: No, it is because of Marguerite! She… well, I cannot say any more than this, but…

Dr Vicat: What about Marguerite? What's wrong with Marguerite? Since you refuse to tell me, I'll just go ask her myself.

Msgr Battilana: Oh, no, that is a really bad idea…

I head to the counter, ignoring the priest's supplications.

Dr Vicat: Miss, I will make myself very clear: we here are all members of a secret organization tasked with monitoring and dissimulating paranormal phenomena. All it takes is three words from me into this walkie-talkie, and you will end up in a cell. You assured to my personnel that you were unaware of any anomalies with your house, but I now know this to be false. I know you can control its shape-shifting, and everyone has noticed this sticky yellow substance under your shoes when you walk. I now urge you to cooperate, otherwise I will be forced to have you interrogated in much less pleasant conditions.

I cast a proud glance at Monsignor Battilana. This is how you show authority in our line of work. After this little clarification, I am certain that Marguerite will no longer be tempted to play dumb with us.

This is when the most unexpected anomaly of the day manifests.


Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License