SCP-1792-JP / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-1792-JP.

C-Dives 06 Jul 2021 13:23

Author: aisurakuto (2020/08/09)
Translator: C-Dives
Source: SCP-JP
Link: SCP-1792-JP

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Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/35801495@N06/4437146842
License: CC BY 2.0

Title: Lemonade Sales on the Vivid Image Front Lawn
Author: Vivid Image
Uploaded on: 2010

Note: Details edited by aisurakuto.

Maxyfran73 12 Feb 2022 17:38

I like this one; it's simple, but it drives the whole lemonade guillotine really well. My only complaint is that the addendum does a disservice to the article. It's a lemonade stand for children, so everything the addendum says it's already implied, and imo works better by implying it. Spending several sentences to say 'oh btw, children die a lot here' weakens the delivery.

Nonetheless, it's a good article, so +1

Translation

The translation's good overall, but there's a couple things I'd fix:

• "guidance is to be provided through the administration." I think '行政' would translate better as 'authorities': Personally, 'local authorities' would work the best for this case.
• "SCP-1792-JP is a cascading phenomenon that occurs at street stall sales" Cascading just sounds weird. I'd change it to 'chain phenomenon'. Furthermore, 'that occurs at' could be replaced by 'affecting' and flow much better.
• "It is run by children and mainly sells/distributes lemonade. Lemonade is prepared at or near the stall." I'd link both with a comma. "It is run by children and mainly sells/distributes lemonade, with lemonade prepared at or near the stall."
• "The surrounding individuals consider that the subject to have suddenly disappeared" Consider sounds weird here. 'individuals believe the subject to have suddenly disappeared' would flow better.
• "The corpses decompose as normal even while they are perceived differently than they actually are." I'd leave it as 'The corpses decompose as normal even while perceived differently/differently than they are'.