I see that my new house is quite empty, not having someone to chat with is quite annoying. Bah, it's not all bad, at least here I can take off my mask, wearing it all the time is quite uncomfortable. Wearing it publicly is the best option, I know I'm Nobody… but trying to look like Somebody keeps my spirits up, the other Queens were the only ones who made me feel good without wearing that thing and I haven't been able to talk to them for a long time. I didn't think being Nobody would leave me so alone.
The mask also brings its disadvantages, it allows me to feel comfortable when I'm with people, but it really makes me feel like Nobody. Like really I could be anyone, or rather act like anyone and that's not going to matter to any person. Now that I'm alone I shouldn't care much, but the thought that I wasn't seriously alone helped me, the support kept me alive and now that I'm Nobody, there's no support anymore, the truth… there's nothing.
I think distracting myself from this is the best option, maybe I'll go to some Starbucks or try some beers, both will distract me from everything. -Now let's see where I can find a good bar.
After that I'm going to explore the house, it's pretty big and I'm going to stay for a long time, so I suspect there are several things to see.
Notes:
* I always have to keep the doors to the house closed, I wish I could open them to let some sunshine in, since there are no windows here. The problem is that the house is weak and when it's windy the bases of the house is always about to break, and closing the door is the best way to avoid the wind
* I should check the basement. There's something in that place that looks familiar, I just have to see what exactly it is
* Make some home remedies for sleep. Since coming to this house I haven't been able to rest
I went into the basement and found a living thing, it's quite strange, it never lets me see its face, and it always covers itself with a black cloak. I don't quite know what it is or what it can do, but visiting it I really like it and I'm going to keep doing it.
I have been with the "Basement Creature" for a long time, and although I continue to not be able to sleep, at least now I have something to do during that time. Being with that thing gives me strong amounts of energy, maybe I won't need to sleep much anymore.
Recently it was a sunny day and I decided to open the door? It was a mistake, apparently the sunlight hurts the creature, not much, but enough to disturb my stay with it. It would be best not to open it again. I have myself and the creature, I don't need anything else… nothing coming from outside is going to help me, I can keep myself alive and stable.
I've closed the basement, uh…being with that thing was consuming me, my mind and body hurt so much, the problem is I want to go back. What I'm trying to say is my body needs to go back, and I'm trying to avoid it at all costs, but… I don't know if I'm capable enough. If it came back I doubt I'll get out of there, so I'll try to be strong and avoid it. When I was there it wasn't me anymore, and that won't happen again, if I get overwhelmed I still have my emergency exit.
I'm going to try to sleep, it's the best I can do. Maybe some rest time will let my mind clear and give me a break from everything that's going on.
Sleeping was not what I should have been doing. Not at all.
I had a nightmare and only slept for 4 hours. Now I get alert during the night, I don't want to go back to sleep, I don't want to see that again. At least I won't sleep until everything is calmer.
In the dream all the girls were there, each of them accompanied me, and we enjoyed chatting. Then the floor opened and they all fell with it, No one came to me and left me his cloak obligingly… I asked him for his mask, he had a little giggle and handed it to me. From a high place and with the mask on I could see the creature in the basement consuming all of them; my sisters, my friends, my only family. I couldn't even move and had to settle for watching.
I'm going to kill that thing no matter what it takes. I must get rid of it for good so I can rest.
I've made it, he's dead…and I'm consumed. I don't know why I suffered so much killing him, I feel like it wasn't worth it because he already won. Even when I killed him I felt helpless.
I am alone, the Queens are no longer with me, neither is the monster… even though I got rid of him, I know he was the last thing I had left, there is nothing that can help me anymore, now more than ever I am alone. Maybe from the moment I became Nobody I sealed my fate. That doesn't matter anymore, what matters is this moment, I have a way to escape, it's now or never, and I'm not going to waste it.
It hurts because I know it's not what they want from me, but I can no longer do what would please them. Every minute I'm here I'm just suffering, they wouldn't want that either would they? I don't want this anymore.
I hope someday to see a smile again, even if it can't be in this place.
