Guidance for the Department of Media Surveillance
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Hi everyone, I'm Dr. Von Braun and I'm supposed to give you a little orientation talk to you, future members of Office 5 of the media surveillance department of the Intelligence Agency. I usually do not do these things, but my bosses have sent me here as a kind of punishment for having tried to fake my death once more.

Do you see that tall black guy there in the corner, who looks like Idris Elba? It's Agent Kane, he's supposed to give them this talk…by the way, gay girls and boys, if they plan to invite him out, do it without fear: his wife just left him and he's in need of affection…it's a joke, his wife does not I leave him, I would never make fun of him…I'm too afraid.

You will not do things as great as the rest of the members of Intelligence, things like diving in the Deep Web intercepting transmissions of the Chaos Insurgency or the Church of the Broken God, or planting disinformation or hacking web pages to delete references to SCPs . Neither will they have to work with D Classes, which is an advantage since they will never experience the ridiculous remorse of many Foundation newbies, until they finally get used to it, or even worse: they start to enjoy it…What, what a Class D is? do not worry, you find out.

Another advantage: you will never be near an SCP, of any kind, ever.

And what will be your work? In simple terms, remain seated all day in front of the television or computer, drinking coke or eating pizza, or the junk food of your choice. Basically the ideal job.

Do not think that your work will be useless, on the contrary, we have agents in every scientific, police and military organization of importance and even so we need you, you will roam the Internet visiting web sites of paranormal and conspiracy, and official sites of scientific organizations and blog skeptics, and will see newscasts in languages that I did not even know existed (for something you are all polyglots), a blog about curiosities of Romanian history, or a note of ten lines in a Philippine newspaper, we never know where a clue to a true anomaly can be found.

For example, an entire family disappears while walking through a forest park. What happened to them? Maybe they took a map to nowhere at a gas station, or maybe they entered a infinite forest…or maybe just Dad went crazy, killed Mom and his children and committed suicide, and we will soon find their bodies next to the charred car.

That is their job, go beyond the journalists themselves when they repeat like parrots a strange news that has emerged who knows where, and then loses itself in the vortex of information that bombards us every day, follow the small clues that lead us to an SCP not contained, to an anomalous event, or, in most of the time, to a seemingly unusual fact that someone threw into the tangle of modern communications, without bothering to look for the simplest-or stupidest-explanation, which is the correct in most cases.

A video from Hong Kong where a guy appears and disappears with a glow? Maybe a teleportation case, maybe a transdimensional humanoid, or maybe viral advertising about a future Chinese science fiction movie.

Is a river stained with blood in Alaska? Maybe a sign of the Apocalypse, maybe a manipulator of reality, maybe a new red pool, or maybe simply a careless company in the handling of its polluting waste.

An Israeli capable of bending spoons and accelerating or rewinding time in mechanical watches? It does not deserve a second look, it's about Uri Geller, an illusionist who passes his tricks as psychic powers, has been discredited over and over again decades ago, and still appears on television.

Mysterious pyramids in Serbia, older and bigger than the Egyptian, and official archeology tries to hide its existence? It sounds interesting, and as they investigate, they find out what the archaeologist who directs the excavations and who faces the rigid "official" science is not really an archaeologist, but a guy without any study linked to numerous frauds, that the pyramids they are in fact perfectly natural geological formations, that a great tourist business is being carried out with guided visits and that real archaeological remains such as tombs and gravestones are being severely damaged by the "excavations".

You are in a very special time, never before has humanity had access to so much information and knowledge, and never before so much of that information is reduced to pure garbage. And about that, I want to talk to you about what will undoubtedly be your worst enemy: The Creppypasta.

A Russian experiment on the dream made in the fifties and with very gore results? Garbage for the most part. Yes, there was indeed an experiment on the dream, but everything else is garbage, we know it very well, our friend VanDerGauss participated in it.

A girl who walks alone on the road, in the middle of the night, and asks you to take her? The typical tale of the ghost hitchhiker…that happened in reality with SCP-1337, and all other cases of ghost road girls are influenced by the memory of SCP-1337, many creppypasta have been created by encounters with this or that SCP, and in some cases, the Foundation itself creates some as a disinformation measure. It is quite easy.

A role-playing game that ends with all its members worshiping Satan and then committing suicide? It seems true, right?, Until they discover that the source is a fundamentalist evangelical website that considers everything that is not explicitly Christian to be satanic, including dungeons and dungeons, Pokemon, the theory of evolution and paleontology. So, it sounds like a sign that you do not have to take it seriously and discard it, is not it?

¡Wrong! Not at all, in fact we once had a chess board that when a game was played, the loser was furious, saw everything red and he was attacked by an attack of anger that could only be calmed by the blood of the winner…we are not sure if it was really an SCP or just the normal reaction of any chess fan, but it is a good example of how nothing should be ruled out as unlikely as it may seem. Their work requires developing a clear criterion on what to investigate in depth and what not.

And once you have exhausted all options, tracked each news item to its original source and are sure that it is not an absolute falsehood or that it can not be explained satisfactorily, then they will tell us, and we will send our people. Maybe they make the Foundation lose time and resources, or maybe save the world. Who can know?

Has the half hour already been completed? How time passes when one has fun.

You can retire in peace.

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