Item #: SCP-002-IT-J
Object Class: Safe (though not really if you're a doctor)
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-002-IT-J instances are to be contained in separate cells in hallway 6 of the "very dangerous things" section of Site Mania. The hallway's entrance must be monitored by a guard who has never (and I mean never) possessed the title of "doctor". Access to the hallway is forbidden to anyone who has obtained a doctorate, regardless of the type of it. In the event that a doctor enters the hallway, the guard is authorized to terminate them, trust me, it's better this way.
Description: SCP-002-IT-J is an object, more precisely [REDACTED]1, extremely dangerous and (we hope) lethal2 to anyone who obtained a doctorate. In case a doctor comes near one of the 5 4 (See Experiment 001) instances of SCP-002-IT-J alone or accompanied just by other doctors, they will disappear leaving no trace. It is assumed that this process is extremely painful given the inhuman screams perceived when a doctor remains in its presence. Currently, in order to study SCP-002-IT-J the presence of a not-doctor is necessary in the involved room (Gimmick discovered following Incident 2963) so as to prevent the activation of the effect on doctoral colleagues present. In short, if you're a doctor and you're alone, stay away!
Experiment 001
The aim of the project is to send a non-doctor to study SCP-002-IT-J, as it is believed that this kind of being is immune. I'm not sure why we didn't think about it before, we had those thingies for 12 years45.
Item: SCP-002-IT-J
Location and date: Site Mania, 11/11/11
Involved personnel: Dr. Medicine (from the control center); Pino (who we thank for kindly offering his services for this experiment <3).
[BEGIN LOG]
Dr. Medicine: Okay, mister Pino, go into SCP-002-IT-J's containment room.
Pino: Excuse me, aren't there 5 of them? Which one do I have to enter?
Dr. Medicine: Don't be picky! Choose one. And be quick, this is the most dangerous thing the Foundation has ever contained and we already wasted 12 years!
Pino: Yeah, just don't get angry. (Quietly) Sometimes they seem to forget or don't care who is not a doctor in something, how rude.
Dr. Medicine: Come on, Pino, don't dawdle!
Pino: I'm entering, see you soon, I hope.
(2:34 minutes later.)
Pino: (Burps.) Here I am, all is done.
Dr. Medicine: (Comically spits out the drink he was sipping) ARE YOU ALIVE!?
Pino: I'm not a doctor… did you expect me to die?
Dr. Medicine: … noooo. (Awkwardly chuckling.) We imagined that nothing would happen, kinda. Tell us, what happened?
Pino: Well, I arrived and SCP-002-IT-J was there on the table. I knew it was extremely dangerous, so I ate it.
Dr. Medicine: I beg your pardon?
Pino: I fed on it, I had it for lunch. It was really tasty, which is strange if you consider how many years it was in there.
Dr. Medicine: Yes, I understand you ate it, but how could you think of something this stupid?
Pino: Well, once I understood what it was, it seemed the most logical solution.
Dr. Medicine: Can you explain yourself? What's SCP-002-IT-J?
Pino: You know what they say, don't you? An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
[END LOG]