Item #: SCP-008-DE-J
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-008-DE-J is contained in a special chamber on the █th floor of warehouse G24-12-███-T-U-R-D-[REDACTED]-22-D3-[DATA EXPUNGED]-G-N-a.r-K at Site ██. The object is secured by a special mounting device in the middle of the chamber. The humidity in the chamber must never fall below 90% and the object is to be moistened every two days with a spray bottle. SCP-008-DE-J may neither be touched nor moved. [Right, which sick bastard touches poop?! - Dr.██████] [That is no poop! - Dr. G████] It seems impossible to find out what it even is.
Description: SCP-008-DE-J is an elongate object consisting of a brown substance with the consistency of window putty. [Definitely poop! - Dr. ██████] [No it is not! - Dr. G████] It was found by a cleaner on the 20██-██-██ at ██:20 o'clock in the morning in the office of Dr. ███████, laying on the desk. Dr. ███████ has been missing since. [He didn't really shit on his damn desk right?! - Dr. ██████]
The object emits a smell which can not be assigned. Observations have shown personnel who could not stop smelling the object [PERVERSE!! - Dr. ██████]. Others though steered cleat of the door to the containment chamber. [Right, because poop stinks! - Dr. ██████] [Once again: it is no poop and it doesn't stink. - Dr. G████] It is assumed that every person perceives the object differently. Tests with D-class personnel have shown that every subject reacted differently in the presence of SCP-008-DE-J. [Oh good, let them play with poop! - Dr. ██████] [Dr. ██████, it…is…no…poop! - Dr. G████] [What is it then, Dr. G████?!] [No idea? It looks good, it smells good, it's definitely no poop! - Dr. Po…erm…G████]
One testing subject began to clinging to the object and started talking to it. D-████ had to be forcibly removed from SCP-008-DE-J. [Oh wow! Who the hell snuggles with poop?! This can't be serious… - Dr. ██████] [Damn Dr. ██████, stop calling it poop! It really is no poop! - Dr. G████] [Yes!- Dr. ██████] [No! - Dr. G████] [Yes!! - Dr. ██████] [No!!! - Dr. G████] [YES! - Dr. ██████] [NOOO!! - Dr…]
[You two be QUIET NOW!! - O5-██ ……..Mhh, you smell so good!]