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Credits
Article: SCP-009-DE-J - Piss?!
Original: May be found here
Author & Translator:Karpfisch
Based on an idea by
Balthuris.
Item #: SCP-009-DE-J
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-009-DE-J is stored inside a standardized containment cell for chemical anomalies in Site-DE5. A grid leading into the sewerage system has to be present beneath the anomaly. In addition, the cell must be hermetically sealed to keep the odor formation under control. The products created by the anomaly are not to be consumed outside of testing. Replenishment of SCP-009-J's storage is only permitted to healthy persons and during testing, 'cause this anomaly is no public lavatory, you weakbladders! MTF DE0-𝔓 1-Fritzchen „The Urinators“ was founded for the purpose of replenishment, and given unlimited access to the drink resources of Site-DE5 and an asparagus field.
Description: SCP-009-DE-J designates a 2 m high vending machine by the ████████ brand with yellow color, and reminds of an arcade machine in shape. Instead of glass the consumer can see the available goods through, SCP-009-J only features a white keyboard in the shape of a toilet bowl, and a screen of the same appearance allowing the user to request every object imaginable. However, solely fluids proved to be retrievable, all of which were considered "disgusting" by personnel (See Test Log 009-J). Additionally, SCP-009-J secretes a fluid on its whole casing, which was identified as piss lemon juice human urine fluid.123 The foul odor of said secret was compared to ammonia, however, preservation attempts using it failed.
But SCP-009-DE-J can only dispense a certain amount, before human "replenishment" has to take place. For this purpose, the key combination ->x<- must be typed in, which causes the keyboard to move upwards, revealing an equally shaped opening. Once enough fluid has flown into SCP-009-DE-J, the opening closes on its own. Experiments showed that animal urine fluid can also be used. After the order has been typed into the keyboard, buzzing sounds can be heard from within, after which a white plastic cup4 falls into the output, followed by the latter getting filled up by a faucet above. Drinks dispensed by SCP-009-DE-J are all drinkable and do not contain any harmful microorganisms or chemicals, but universally look like urine fluid.5 A difference can solely be recognized in its taste, which corresponds to what was typed in by the user. Gastrointestinally, drunken fluids are processed and excreted like ordinary water.
Discovery: SCP-009-DE-J was extracted from a litigation between a shop owner and a civilian on the 27/09/2016. According to his testament, the former tried to open a poor imitation of the Chinese toilet restaurants. For this purpose, he bought the anomaly from a certain Dr. Wondertainment and installed it immediately. However, after the previously mentioned civilian found the shop owner during his replenishment of the device, with the shop owner having forgot to lower the blinds out of human error, he promptly notified the authorities. Given that the clientele has only requested normal drinks from SCP-009-DE-J so far, they were not aware of its anomalous properties, which is why an administration of amnestics did not occur. The civilian was handed over to the authorities after his act.