rating: +7+x

Item #: Whoaaaaah, ey… Dunno… SCP-044-DE-J or something like this… For me… Don’t Care as a wet and loud fart!

Object Class: Safe1 Euclid2 Keter3Apollyon4

Special Containment Procedures: For god's sake, never allow Dr. Heinrich to drink from this Distillery! And don't touch this stuff, and especially do not drink it! Don't even think about drinking that or to even touch it! Do not even taste or sip for a bit!

This stuff is most surely indestructible. As intense as this stuff is, it will easily burn a hole inside the earth's atmosphere, if it only comes near any fire, and is flushed down the toilet by dumping it through the sewage system, it could probably eradicate half of the ecosystem. It is best to keep it in Doctor Heinrich's alcohol closet as far away from any lifeforms as possible. There is no access to anybody! It's for our own good!

And do not even think about using this stuff as a detergent! This stuff easily etches a hole all the way down to the underground village of the mole men!

In case of a booze party containment breach, the site housing it is to be equipped with a stock of 20 tons of headache pills, 10 tons of gastrointestinal tea, 20000 liters of coffee, 300 glasses of rolled meatballs and several bottles of SCP-014-DE-J. And please dim the lights of the entire site, and only whisper when making announcements through the speakers, okay?

Description5: SCP-044-DE-J consists of Satan's color thinner a schnapps that has been produced inside Dr. Heinrich's own distillery hall brewing chamber re-constructed garage6. He states it's a recipe that has existed in his family for generations, and is passed on.7. According to his testimony, the taste constitutes a mixture of apple featuring the sylvan flavor of juniper, and a slight aftertaste of wild blackthorn with a touch of mint and citrus at the end8. But if you tip that stuff, you notice nothing but a burning sensation in the throat like an inhaled fart of SCP-086-DE.

It was impossible to be scientifically researched, as after the wild party, noone was able to remember it, as it causes an insane blackout features cognitive, amnestic properties. There are recordings, but they are extremely embarrassing and are to be deleted immediately.— No recordings of such an event exist9.

The day following consumption, one has a hangover that feels as if SCP-190-DE-1 jumped "Mjölnir" first inside your face you will feel extreme signs of an alcohol intoxication, as well as skull-bursting headaches, high sensitivity to high all kinds of light, and loud all sorts of sounds, a continuing felt need of "puking" all former, present, and future meals from now on 'til infinity strong vomiting, gastrointestinal pains and- —And… Thingy… What was its name? Lack of concentration, as well as a difficulty in finding the right words.

Discovery10: On the occasion of Mr. Heinrich's 50th birthday, he produced several tiny bottles of the pipe cleaner from hell SCP-044-DE-J, and had sent these to multiple sites. They were distributed to staff11.

The next day, a majority of staff could barely recall what happened. All of them showed signs of high alcohol intoxication, and several alarms were caused by containment breaches occurring in multiple sites. Fortunately, all sentient anomalies were way too groggily after consuming that stuff to even attempt scramming. The effects of SCP-044-DE-J prevented an escape of the anomalies.

Due to this, a re-classification to Thaumiel is currently pending approval12


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