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Credits
Article: SCP-092-DE-J - Toilet paper, maybe
Original: May be found here
Author:Rikjard Regreps
Translator:Karpfisch
Image was taken by
SCP-092-DE-J in an attempt to match its surroundings.
Item #: SCP-092-DE-J
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-092-DE-J is currently located within the staff lavatory at Site-DE██ under strict observance and surveillance of three thermal imaging cameras, microphones, electrocardiograms, anemometers, thermometers, geiger counters, spectrometers, and video cameras1. Personal is advised to only have cautious interactions with and exclusively use it in case of dire emergency and when there are no other possible options, in case of a K-class-end-of-the-world-scenario or stomach flu for example.
Description: SCP-092-DE-J apparently designates a white role of toilet paper that abruptly appeared at the appropriate shelf board within staff lavatory 27-Gamma/B inside Site-DE██. Although the object appears like a perfectly normal role of toilet paper from the outside, staff quickly discovered that it consists of white, three-ply toilet paper. As the Foundation only uses single-ply, grey toilet paper to save the budget, this is due to a presumably faulty, chameleon-like camouflage ability of the object.
Attempts involving D-class personnel revealed that the toilet paper feels soft and comfortable at the skin, which presents another, extreme diversion from the texture of the usually used, enormously scratchy toilet paper. Theories range from an incorrect adaptability up to an attempt of the object to ingratiate itself with Foundation personal to allow for an easy infiltration. These theories could not be disproven so far and must therefore be considered facts. Thus far, no examinations of the cell structure of SCP-092-DE-J have been conducted to prevent it from becoming aggressive and potentially displaying active, aggressive behaviors.
To prevent a BSKFNK-class-assimilation-event from occurring, all D-class employees who used the object are showered, decontaminated, shaved, have their upper layer of skin removed, examined in detail (including colonoscopy and proctologic examination assessment), put under psychological, psychiatric, psychoanalytic, and para-psychological observation, and provided half a liter of liquid class E amnestic as well as glass filled with disinfectant diluted with mineral water every day. Afterwards, they are also subjected to an exorcism and/or a circumcision by the catholic cardinal Christoph █████████, before they may be assigned to other projects.
In addition to the surveillance methods listed within the special containment procedures, SCP-092-DE-J is also under the strict observation by the attentive eyes of Dr. Rick. Dr. Ricks's repeated requests to give the male D-class personal "a helping hand" during experiments with SCP-092-DE-J have been denied so far. Mainly by the D-class themselves, but also by his superiors.
To date, multiple staff members have attempted to steal SCP-092-DE-J to use it outside of controlled conditions and beyond Dr. Rick's field of vision; with justifications ranging from "I already chafed myself four times with the other paper!" up to "This is an SCP? I just wanted to take it because we ran out of toilet paper at the ladies' room again." These claims and actions point to a cognitohazardous effect by SCP-092-DE-J onto persons in its vicinity, which is why every employee within a 60 meter parameter around SCP-092-DE-J has to undergo a full medical examination and three weeks of psychological evaluations. In order to avoid further theft attempts, the personnel lavatory containing SCP-092-DE-J must be guarded by Mobile Task Force DE27-𝔏 ("Lookeepers") around the clock. Permission to shoot was granted.
Remark by Dr. Rick, ██.██.█████
I have noticed that staff members can be dissuaded from stealing SCP-092-DE-J much easier by spreading the word that all toilet paper inside this room is full of crab louses. So I hope that this brilliant success will suffice in making the O5 realize that my proposal to grab the coc… give a hand to the D-class during testing with SCP-092-DE-J is completely justified!Oh, and every time a D-class who used SCP-092-DE-J is killed by some SCP or gets executed by us, a couple sheets of toilet paper are added to the role and scream for a few seconds. Should we investigate this?