ACCESS GRANTED
physical map of SCP-1900-IT-J
Item #: SCP-1900-IT-J
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Every map, not owned by the Foundation, resembling SCP-1900-IT-J must be burnt.
Boats not belonging to the Foundation are not allowed to land on SCP-1900-IT-J. SCP-1900-IT-J-1 are not allowed to get too far from the archipelago. The Foundation is tasked to handle commercial negotiations between one or more SCP-1900-IT-J-1 and one or more civilians.
SCP-1900-IT-J-1's attacks on ship must be covered as mere attacks by Micronesian pirates. SCP-1900-IT-J-1 istances must be persuaded to abort attacks on other ships.
Any Foundation personnel found drunk while coming back from Site Mania should be taken to solitary confinement on SCP-1900-IT-J for a month as a punishment.
Description: SCP-1900-IT-J, also known as Pirate Kindom, is an archipelago of four islands in the South Pacific. SCP-1900-IT-J has been an Italian colony from 12/04/1900 to 14/04/1900 which existance has been hidden by RIDIA and the Kingdom of Italy, because of the anomalous properties of such achipelago and the embarassing dumbness of the inhabitants, indeed no map about the achipelago ever went public.
SCP-1900-IT-J has around 10000 inhabitants designated SCP-1900-IT-J-1, and its official languages are Piratish and Italian; the leader of the country is the king who also has the rank of captain and absolute power. Their technological development is similair to that of Micronesian pirates. The main of source of income are money and precious goods of luxury cruises thefts. Their currency is the "doubloon" which is worth 0,00000000000000000000001€. SCP-1900-IT-J-1 istances has their own religion in which they worship a being known as The Coconut Milk God, who's actually Eugenio Luciani, an Italian settler who teached pirates how to prepare it; those who swear to their "god" or refuse to press F to respect him is tried and sentenced tofff death.
The captain of SCP-1900-IT-J is an individual with abnormal properties not yet understood; he's able to deform and make appear or disappear any sort of object. He states that this is possible since all of us live in a fiction, for this reason Foundation personnel think he's crazy or dumb. The captain lead his country along with his crew: a group of eight bearded men with an eyepatch, gold teeth and wooden prosthesis; and are highly incompetent when they help him lead the country. Despite his anomalous properties, he never wanted to rule over the world since, as he states: "It's great to be a captain, they worship you almost like The Coconut Milk God and this is enough for me."
On SCP-1900-IT-J, SCP-1900-IT-J-2 istances can be found, they are sharks of a species of similiar appearance and volume to C. carcharias, that fly over the archipelago between 1 and 100 meters above sea level. They can be found everywhere on the archipelago, but the place where encounters are more frequent is a place known as "The Shark Forest". SCP-1900-IT-J-2 cannot leave the archipelago, since the captain wants them to stay there, and to force people who want to see them to visit SCP-1900-IT-J. They are tamed by the inhabitants as they were dogs or cats, even though they cause an average of about 4 deaths and 13 injuries a day to SCP-1900-IT-J-1 istances.
- SCP-1900-IT-J-1's favourite sport is shark-polo, a sport similiar to handball (the ball carrier can't move) in which teams of five players opposes one another riding one of their SCP-1900-IT-J-2, with the goal of shooting the ball through a floating hoop in the sky in order to get a point, the team with more points win. These matches go on even if spectators or even players get killed or injuried.
- Once a year, on March 24th, SCP-1900-IT-J-1 istances organize a treasure hunt with a reward of a million dooblons hidden in a random point of SCP-1900-IT-J. 2000 competitors every year take part in this event.
- Their captain's name is Richard Farrell.
- Captain's SCP-1900-IT-J-2 glows in the dark, has gold teeth and has a cannon that he uses to play What Shall We Do with the Drunken Sailor?, to break the glass of opponent boats and the eardrums of people on board of them, making thefts easier.
REGIO ISTITVTO
DELLE ITALICHE
A N O M A L I Æ
His Majesty,
It's not worth colonizing the archipelago we found two days ago. These are the reasons:
1. lacking of natural resources like: coal, iron and valuable ores. There is only mercury for thermometers
2. flying sharks
3. inhabitants are so dumb that they: drink mercury, worship one of the settlers, ride the flying sharks and steal others' ships.
Signed,
Giorgio Bianchi.
Interwiewee: Captain of SCP-1900-IT-J
Interwiewer: Dr. Luca Paulini
Foreword: Interwiew performed by Dr. Luca Paulini, one of scientists sent there as a punishment, in order to learn the history of SCP-1900-IT-J.
<Begin Log>
Captain: Wha' are ye doin' here?
Dr. Paulini: Could you speak a humanly understandable language, please?
Captain: Okay, I'll speak Italian.
Dr. Paulini: Anyways, hello captain of SCP-1900-IT-J.
Captain: Arrghh! Don't call me that way, I'm the captain of pirates! Not of that S-C-thing.
Dr. Paulini: Okay! Tell me about the history of your kingdom.
Captain: It was the 1870. One day, my great-grandfather ended up losing his ship in one of those islands and as he saw the dumbness of the inhabitants, he decided to become the king of this archipelago and establish the Pirate Kingdom making them pirates, because he wanted to be the captain of pirates.
Dr. Paulini: This is a joke, right?
Captain: Arrgh! How dare you insulting the history of my kingdom?! You think the proud history of us pirates is just a joke?!
Dr. Paulini: You misunderstood…
Captain: No, I didn't, now admire my army of fifty million fierce, bloodthirsty and futuristic weapons equipped pirates!
Noise of slaves dragging a blue screen
Dr. Paulini: But that's a blue screen…
Captain: After the filming part is done, during the editing phase, this blue screen will be used to reproduce my army attacking you in the full movie.
Dr. Paulini: This is not a movie! This is a transcript of a interwiew.
Captain: Arrgh! Then I delete my previous lines, to avoid a bad impression, and make my army real.
Noise of fifty million fierce, bloodthirsty and futuristic weapons equipped pirates appearing.
Dr. Paulini: Have mercy!
Captain: "Mercy" what is it? A coconut milk brand?
excretory fluid leaking from Dr. Paulini's urethra..
<End Log>
The captain of SCP-1900-IT-J will never be interwiewed again.
Personnel involved in these accedents has been sent into solitary confinement on SCP-1900-IT-J as a punishment
Accident Log 1900-IT-J-1
Date: 13/06/2014
Victims: Dr. Luca Rossi (deceased), Dr. Dario Guerriero (injuried).
Accident: Researchers Dr. Luca Rossi and Dr. Dario Guerriero have been attacked by an SCP-1900-IT-J-2 istance; Dr. Luca Rossi has been eaten, while Dr. Dario Guerriero lost a leg.
Measures: Foundation personnel is authorized to call Dr. Dario Guerriero: peg leg pirate.
Accident Log 1900-IT-J-2
Date: 22/10/2014
Victim: Dr. Marco Verdi (deceased).
Accident: Dr. Marco Verdi said there was no point in worshipping a person such as the Coconut Milk God. For this crime he has been sentenced to the Keelhauling.
Measures: "Do not swear to the Coconut Milk God " should be written on the quarantine notices of SCP-1900-IT-J.
Accident Log 1900-IT-J-3
Date: 06/01/2016
Victim: Dr. Stefano Costa (decesed), Dr. Fernando Spagnoli (deceased), Agt. Mario Ingrafia (injuried).
Accident: The three of them along with two other quarantined, Dr. Gianpaolo Trovatelli and Dr. Luciano Crugnola, partecipated in a shark-polo championship, under the name of Foundation's SPC (Shark-Polo Club). During the first match, Dr. Stefano Costa fell off his SCP-1900-IT-J-2 30m above ground, Dr. Fernando Spagnoli was fatally bitten by a SCP-1900-IT-J-2 of the opponent team, while Agt. Mario Ingrafia has been bitten twice by the SCP-1900-IT-J-2 of an attacker of the opponent team.
Measures: Quarantined personnel who want to play shark-polo has to train hard before playing, in order to prevent personnel deaths or serious injuries to personnel.
Dr. Luciano Crugnola's Note: At least we won the match with 2 players intact while the other team didn't.
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