OMG! What the Foundation Has Failed to Do for 20 Years Was Done by SCP-CN-066 in Just 4 Seconds…
Item #: SCP-CN-066
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Based on the agreement reached with SCP-CN-066, it is currently linked to this webpage and has retracted its abnormal influence within the Foundation internal network server J-021. Under no circumstance is server J-021 allowed to connect to the internet. Everyday from 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. and from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m., a D-class personnel should be designated in accordance to the agreement with SCP-CN-066 and click the hyperlink in this document on a special terminal connected to server J-021. SCP-CN-066-1 is now accommodated in a designated Foundation facility, and is allowed to possess SCP-CN-066. The vital signs of SCP-CN-066-1 should be monitored 24/7 and SCP-CN-066-1 himself should also be put under level-B surveillance.
Description: SCP-CN-066 resembles an old, yellowing push button telephone. Laboratory dating has determined its manufacture date to around 1983. The power cord and cables of SCP-CN-066 are all damaged beyond repair, while an X-ray scan showed that its internal electronic structure has been completely reconstructed. The abnormality of SCP-CN-066 is that, through unknown methods, it is able to insert a hyperlink with an extremely attractive title in whatever webpage a human being is browsing. When clicked, the hyperlink would lead to an irrelevant webpage in the user's browsing history or a random ad page this page for the time being.
SCP-CN-066 possesses a certain ability of information processing, as it is concluded from observations of various cases of its abnormality, that it is able to customize the title of the hyperlink relative to the browsing preferences of different users, thus increasing the possibility of the user clicking the link.
Moreover, every time the link generated by SCP-CN-066 is clicked would result in an instance of SCP-CN-066 ringing, and an ambiguous synthetic voice could be heard when picking up SCP-CN-066. After communicating with the voice, it is confirmed that the voice comes from the free will of SCP-CN-066, which possesses a high intelligence and is able to communicate with the outside world through the "ringing and picking up" scenario.
SCP-CN-066-1 is an 86-year-old Chinese male who is diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease The daily routine activities of SCP-CN-066-1 follow a rigid pattern. He would get up at 6 a.m. every morning and wash his clothes around 9 o'clock. At 12 o'clock sharp he would have lunch and then nap for around 2 hours. SCP-CN-066-1 would have dinner at around 7 p.m. then he would go to sleep. It is noteworthy that SCP-CN-066-1 spends the majority of his free time staring at SCP-CN-066. Occasionally he would try to dial a number on SCP-CN-066, and the latter would normally response accordingly to the dialing action from SCP-CN-066-1. SCP-CN-066-1 would also pick up the receiver voluntarily once SCP-CN-066 rings.
Dialing actions from individuals other than SCP-CN-066-1 would not receive any response in most cases. Currently, the abnormal influence of SCP-CN-066 generating hyperlinks only manifests during 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. and 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. each day.
Recovery log: On ██ 2nd, █01█, in ██ city of ███ province of China, a telephone ring of at least 130dB was heard from a certain household, which caused some passengers-by to investigate. Consequencely, SCP-CN-066-1, who had a sudden heart attack at the time, was found and later rescued. Meanwhile, the titles of every hyperlink on the homepages of major local hospitals were modified to the address of SCP-CN-066-1. The Foundation noticed the fore-mentioned abnormality and successfully secured SCP-CN-066 in the house of SCP-CN-066-1 four hours after the incident.
Appendix CN-066-A: audio log 1
Note: After SCP-CN-066 was secured and transferred to a temporary containment zone, SCP-CN-066 add a hyperlink titled "Please click this link and pick up the phone to acquire the privilege to speak with me. I'm SCP-CN-066."to the personal terminal of Dr. ████, who was the leading researcher in charge. After memetic hazard prevention shots and a full memory backup, Dr. ████ clicked the link and then received a call from SCP-CN-066. The following is an audio log from the recorder installed on the eustachian tube of Dr. ████.
<Begin Log>
Dr. ████: Hello.
SCP-CN-066: So you douchebags have absolutely nothing better to do than abducting and peeping an old gaffer who can't even take a non-bifurcated piss on Sunday. It is either that your sorry head is filled with stupid RPG games or that you simply lack any legal awareness, because for you scums, stealing other people's properties from their homes as you please seems just as effortless as brushing your teeth.
Dr. ████: Laws only apply to what human beings can comprehend. For those things we can't, they fall in our own jurisdiction. I hope you can cooperate with our work.
SCP-CN-066: If you want to contain me, please kindly wait until that fuddy duddy is dead and frozen solid in a morgue like an expired ham in a freezer. Now the only thing I'm interested in is whether that good-for-nothing old brain has stopped overthinking or not.
Dr. ████: Putting that topic aside, I'm interested in the reason why you don't want to be contained and wish to remain by the side of that old gentleman.
SCP-CN-066: REMAIN BY HIS SIDE?! Eww I can almost hear the dirty thoughts in your lewd mind. You would drop that wishful thinking if you had experienced that moment when that old codger eagerly tries to pick up your precious receiver when he damned forgot to wash his stinky hands after taking a freaking shit.
Dr. ████: If you hate him so much, why saving his life by making that loud ringing and doing all those hyperlink-changing stuff?
SCP-CN-066: [Paused for a moment] Well if he's dead I would probably be utterly dismantled by some disgusting scavengers and then cheaply sold like a piece of worthless junk. I did those for myself. Besides, all you human beings smell like Swedish Surströmming to me, and I will not refrain from hating him just because he smells slightly better, maybe.
Dr. ████: Then good news is that he has received very good medical treatments and he is no longer in a critical condition. He is safe now.
SCP-CN-066: Then bring me to his bed. Looks about time for that coffin dodger to meet his maker. I need to enlighten him about how petty his life is before he turns entirely deaf to my mighty words.
Dr. ████: You know that's not possible. According to what we know about you and your ability to propagate information, each day we leave you uncontained brings more unnecessary risks.
SCP-CN-066: Then contain that old man as a SCP project together with me. Just like how you did with SCP-███.
Dr. ████: So you even know about SCP-███ eh? It seems that we may need to re-evaluate your ability to gather information. I will cut to the chase. Special cases must bring special merits. If you can help us get what we need, we will help you get what you need.
SCP-CN-066: Geez, I'm done talking with you skunks. All I want is to hear that old fossil's voice within 3 hours. About other shits? I permit you to dial me after he's gone asleep like a poisoned stray dog. Please don't send other blabbers, I got a short temper.
Dr. ████: As you wish.
<End Log>
Appendix CN-066-B: audio log 2
Note: This audio log is the first log recorded by the miniature tapping device installed on the receiver of SCP-CN-066. SCP-CN-066-1 was contained and treated by the Foundation on ██ 2nd, █01█. After his vital signs stabled and he regained consciousness, a hyperlink generated by the abnormal influence of SCP-CN-066 appeared on the personal terminal of Dr. ████. After Dr. ████ clicked the link, SCP-CN-066 rang. A caregiver picked up and held the receiver for SCP-CN-066-1 for him to finish the conversation.
<Begin Log>
Voice of a middle aged woman: (Sigh) Dad, why are you still so careless? I can't imagine what would happen if our neighbor hadn't heard my call and checked up on you.
SCP-CN-066-1: My Yueyue, is Yueyue off to school…?
Voice of a middle aged woman: Dad now you are being silly again. Today's Sunday. No school on Sunday, alright?
SCP-CN-06601: Oh, okay…okay. Don't go to school. School is bad, don't go… I… I wish to hear Yueyue's voice.
[The woman calls her daughter's name. Then come rushed sounds of a child running up and sounds of clothing rubbing the receiver.]
Voice of a girl: Grandpa! Grandpa I got an award in the singing contest in school again! I sang the song you taught me, Our Lives Are Full of Sunshine. All my teachers and classmates praised me! Grandpa, please get better soon! When you get better, I will sing that song to you!
SCP-CN-066-1: That's good! That's good! My dear Yueyue… remember, don't go to school anymore. School is bad… You stay at home. Your father is a teacher, he can teach you at home…
Voice of a girl: Grandpa? I remember you told me to study hard in school. Why can't I go to school now?
SCP-CN-066-1: School… School…
[The heart rate of SCP-CN-066-1 sharply rises.]
Voice of a middle aged woman: Dad! You are scaring Yueyue. Her final exams were over last week already and she's about to start her summer vacation. She won't go to school during vacation okay? Yueyue will stay at home, safe and sound. We will come and taking you home soon dad. Me, Yueyue and you, we go back to Dujiangyan together.
[The heart rate of SCP-CN-066-1 stables.]
SCP-CN-066-1: That's good… That's good… Don't go to school. Yueyue, don't go to school. We go home… We go home…
<End Log>
Addition to personal information of SCP-CN-066-1: SCP-CN-066-1, originally named ███, comes from ███ city, Sichuan province. He is born in 1931 and is married with a son. His son had a family and his son's wife gave birth to a girl in 1992, named ██ Yue. On May 1█th, █00█, an earthquake measuring 8.0 on the Richter Scale struck ███ county, Sichuan province, with an epicenter intensity of XI. ██ Yue's school collapsed in the earthquake and her body was found by the rescurers 83 hours later. 3 years later, the son of SCP-CN-066-1 divorced because of psysological trauma.
Appendix CN-066-C: interview log 3
Interviewer: Dr. ████
Interviewee: SCP-CN-066
<Begin Log>
SCP-CN-066: So I was right. I shouldn't have trusted you barbaric slaves in lab coats the slightest. As I expected, you heard what you should not hear. Where’re your manners?
Dr. ████: I did what I'm supposed to do. Compared to other SCP projects, I have done everything in my purview to persuade the Foundation to contain an absolutely normal, nothing-weird old gentleman. Besides, shouldn't you already know we were listening? For something like you, is there anything you don't foresee? It seems that you are watching every action of every human being.
SCP-CN-066: You think this is a perk?! In my view, all your actions function like a trash converter — converting one trash to another trash. Gosh, having to observe you doing all your meaningless shit must be the cruelest punishment ever for a push button telephone.
Dr. ████: Then I hope you wouldn't mind enlightening a trash converter about how an old fashioned telephone became a nearly omniscience god?
SCP-CN-066: You fiddled with my buttons in the damned middle of the night just to ask these boring-as-hell questions? Well okay then. How about I tell you a story about a mad scientist trying to concoct a super potion to make super-powered young girls; then he received a call from his doctor telling him that he got colorectal cancer because he almost soaked himself in radioactive shits everyday and he got only few days to live so he finally snapped and threw the innocent telephone into that who-knows-what chemical crap and that's how I came to be.
Dr. ████: Hmm… that doesn't sound real.
SCP-CN-066: Yeah it doesn't. I just am. I just exist. There's no bloody evil organization plots. No stupid alien creation same old same old either. I can indeed tell you millions of reasonable explanations if you want to but those are just flipping pointless. You should secure, contain and protect, not explain, explain and explain.
Dr. ████: I see your point, so…
SCP-CN-066: Before you ask, I have put the information of ████████ and ████ Organization on your boss's PC as a link. I know all about your disgusting schemes and conspiracies so just shut the fuck up. I will only do this once. I'm not a horny whore who would entertain you dickheads every time. There're countless places for me to stay. I chose you, not the other way around. Remember that.
Dr. ████: Last question. If you wish to ring for him, then just ring away. Why bother creating a hyperlink as a trigger?
SCP-CN-066: I have lost all patience to bear with your halfwit assumptions, but I will answer this question as an additional complement. Because I'm not a human. I know everything about humans but that doesn't make me one, for all I care. Even though I can fake my voice, fake my words, I still don't have desire. I lack your humanly desire. So you see? I'm just a bait — a bait for human's desire. The desire to know born out of curiosity is the easiest desire for me to acquire in this internet world. Just like it needs a human to pick up a call from a human, it needs a human's desire to respond to a human's desire.
[SCP-CN-066 hangs up.]
Dr. ████: (Murmurs) Such a dishonest phone…
<End Log>