rating: 0+x

Item #: SCP-CN-1270

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-CN-1270 is to be contained in a locked, opaque anomalous object containment unit at Site-CN-19. Approval from at least one member of Level 3 or higher personnel is required in order to use SCP-CN-1270. SCP-CN-1270-1 are to be executed at the end of each test to prevent the spread of anomalous effects.

Investigation into the parapharmacologist "dado" is currently ongoing.

Description: SCP-CN-1270 consists of a total of eight round light gray pills packaged in aluminum foil sheets. The pills are 1 cm in radius and 0.2 cm thick; each pill is inscribed with the text "ASPIRIN". On the back of the packaging is written "u eat this pill and trust dado, then u will have new feeling".

The following anomalous effects manifest a set amount of time after a subject ingests SCP-CN-1270:

  • 10-20 min: The subject will typically make a large number of grammatical errors when communicating in any form, which will render their communication incoherent. The subject (designated SCP-CN-1270-1) considers this to be the true "correct grammar".
  • 20-40 min: The SCP-CN-1270-1 instance will begin to use internet slang and foreign vocabulary when communicating in any form. SCP-CN-1270-1 instances will also insist that this is the true "common language". In addition, the instances will experience a rapid drop in dopamine levels.
  • 40-60 min: At this point, whenever an SCP-CN-1270-1 instance attempts to communicate and is not understood by those in the vicinity, there is a possibility that the instance may suffer a reduction in cognitive ability. In addition, at this point, the subject's dopamine levels have reached zero; all personnel who mimic SCP-CN-1270-1's communication patterns will also become affected by SCP-CN-1270.

Addendum SCP-CN-1270-1:
The object was discovered on 2019/06/28 at the scene of a suicide; the victim was confirmed to be the first instance of SCP-CN-1270-1. The following content was taken from a communication application on the instance's phone, and is believed to be a record of the instance's communication with "dado". Attempts to track the other party's IP address have failed.

WARNING: The following contents possess memetic properties. Personnel who have not undergone memetic inoculation may not attempt to mimic the anomalous properties exhibited below.

<Begin Recording>

<2019-6-22 – 12:47>

<rainbowpony>: Hello? I heard on the dark web that you're able to rapidly create some… very unique drugs.
<rainbowpony>: :/

<2019-6-22 – 13:13>

<dado>: yes, dado can make drug that make you feel different
<rainbowpony>: Huh, I'd like you to help me make a drug that makes my speech seem more awesome.
<rainbowpony>: It'd be great if I just needed to take the pill and I'd talk like the coolest guy around. You don't need to give me any cocaine or heroin or anything. You don't want to be hit, right? ;)

<2019-6-23 – 16:13>

<dado>: so u want pill that make u awesome, this easy 4 dado

<rainbowpony>: No, I don't want the pill to make *me* awesome, I want the pill to make my speech awesome. I'm already the most awesome there is ;)

<dado>: so u want pill that make u talk awesome, this also easy 4 dado
<dado>: dado will tell u after done, dado also offer free shipping

<rainbowpony>: I think your manner of speech is cool too. I'll pay you big bucks, man.

<2019-6-24 - 00:47>

<dado>: the pills r out, u can feel the language of awesome very soon

<rainbowpony>: So soon? You're not sending me placebos, are you?

<dado>:dado very honest, u trust dado, dado products best in market

<2019-6-25 - 11:31>

<rainbowpony>: I have received ur meds, i really talk cool now, thx so much!!

<2019-6-25 - 12:11>

<dado>: that is why u must trust dado, u can check out dado other products to help u become even more awesome.

<rainbowpony>: holy poggers this is so awesome!!!! thx so much i am so much awsum now!!!!!!!

<2019-6-27 - 17:11>

<rainbowpony>: y does evry1 think im pepega??? this is teh coolest evur!!!!!!
<rainbowpony>: y tho????!!! this is teh universal language of awsum!!!!
<rainbowpony>: hehehehehehehehehehe
<rainbowpony>: 1111111111111
<rainbowpony>: 11111111

<End Recording>

Addendum SCP-CN-1270-2:
Upon initially reading the above log, Agent ███ █████ attempted to mimic SCP-CN-1270's anomalous effects and was infected, becoming the second known SCP-CN-1270-1 instance. Agent ███ was tracked down 27 minutes later and executed. Based on this, it has been determined that the object's anomalous properties can spread throughout the internet.

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