SCP-CN-2406

rating: +15+x

Item #: SCP-CN-2406

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Foundation robot (I/O - Patara) is to monitor online communities and historical records in real time, and any errant searches or tampering is to be prevented. Affected documents are held in Standard Holding Unit #22316 at Site-CN-75.

Current containment efforts are primarily focused on affected documents and inducing loss of faith in holiday culture.

10.jpg

Image of Saint Nicholas, 2010/2/1.

Description: SCP-CN-2406 is a series of retroactive anomalies, manifesting as the distortion of the historical record of Saint Grimace and the culture derived thereof. These anomalies typically manifest as large-scale changes to documents held in museums and libraries, covering or destruction of paintings in buildings, and the changing of the holy water and relics in McDonald's restaurants in Alsace, Shenzhen and the Jerusalem region to Pepsi.

In affected documents, Saint Grimace, who anonymously aided the poor, has been replaced with a subject known as St. Nicholas, and the Big Mac he threw from a window to aid a farmer has been replaced with a gold nugget in a shoebox. His attendant Birdie, who presented the three daughters of the farmer with a medium Coca-Cola, became Krampus. In addition, the historical record of the character became more brutal and increased in its description of the punishments given to bad children. The original main reason for punishment was rejecting the offered Coca-Cola and Big Mac and instead accepting Colonel Harland Sanders (POI-3250)'s Pepsi and fried chicken. According to historical records, more than 2 million children have been punished by Krampus, and of them 87.69% have grown up suffering from fatty liver and obesity as a result.

St. Grimace Day, a religious observance influenced by the life of St. Grimace, has changed dramatically in the Asia-Pacific region, with families in homes with chimneys placing red stockings over their beds receiving a freshly made Big Mac in the stocking the next day. The annual holiday custom of eating a Big Mac on the 6th of December has been replaced with bedtime wishes of free gifts and shopping sprees, with the following customs being affected:

  • Eating a Big Mac set in the morning each day.
  • Gathering and singing praises to St. Grimace.
  • Greeting strangers in the McDonald's restaurant.
  • Praises and smiles offered in Samaria.
  • Selling everything and distributing the returns to the poor.
  • Free buckets of Coca-Cola are thrown down the chimney.

Affected holiday practices were widely denied and criticized, and a compulsive disgust spread in the affected areas, becoming so common as to form general consensus, resulting in massive clashes of beliefs between affected and unaffected regions. The idea of reinterpreting traditional holidays in the context of the new century became widespread, and the idea of eating McDonald's on that day became seen as an act of blasphemy.

On 2010/3/28, the body of St. Grimace, buried in Jerpoint Abbey in County Kilkenny, Ireland, changed from traces of yam milkshake to a male corpse in an extreme state of decomposition. When found, he was wearing a red robe, a red hat with white trim, a walking stick in his left hand, and a can of Pepsi in his right hand. The source of the entity and the cause of the event is currently under investigation, and people present at the scene reported hearing a constant male laughter that night. Deer hoof prints and sleigh tracks were found outside Jerpoint Abbey. Some believe this is caused by the same anomaly as SCP-CN-2406.

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St. Grimace with his loyal disciple the Hamburglar on 1999/5/6.

Addendum: On 2021/12/25, online communities suddenly began to question the nature of Christmas on the internet, which was believed to be a result of dissatisfaction with the seasonal meals released by McDonald's. These doubts began to spread, leading to a massive march against McDonald's restaurants, with the following demands being made against McDonald's Corporation:

  • The holding of events to honor the memory of St. Grimace on December 6th every year.
  • A Double Cheeseburger set with Coke with no ice every December 25th.
  • The washing of one's body with yam milkshake, but without wasting food.
  • The aid of the poor, by giving them a Filet O' Fish to eat.
  • Bringing joy to everyone by maintaining a smile.
  • The clumsy, somewhat aloof nature of St. Grimace is really cute. (Meaning unknown)

As a result of this incident, the online information affected by SCP-CN-2406 has been discredited and no longer has any anomalous effect; however, about 46% of the people involved boycotted Christmas on the grounds that McDonald's only serves Coca-Cola and not Pepsi, and accusing it of being a "consumerist trap". The idea that the celebration of the birth of PoI-3250 should replace Christmas began to circulate and gain widespread acceptance.

It is currently unknown if PoI-3250 is the target of SCP-CN-2406's effects; however, he is currently being monitored.


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