SCP-CN-2631
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Item #: SCP-CN-2631

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: All communications with Exoplanet-49 have been temporarily put on hold until further information on SCP-CN-2631 has been ascertained. The Foundation ambassador has been recalled in the name of peace following negotiations. Further investigation on SCP-CN-2631 requires O5 approval.

In light of recent updates, it has been suggested that the above containment measures may be unnecessary; however, personnel are to maintain the current procedures until new ones are developed (see Personnel Handbook, section 14.b).

Description: SCP-CN-2631 is a cultural phenomenon first observed on Planet-49.

Prior to establishment of communications with Exopanet-49, Dr. Frames, from the Temporal Anomalies Division, had successfully evolved lifeforms in low-voltage saltwater. Dr. Frames pointed out in his research that the most probable secondary life forms to evolve in high-risk saltwater-planets are lightweight coral-shaped nerve clusters, transmitting information using electrical current from sodium ions.

However, two years prior, during first contact with sentient life on Exoplanet-49, it was discovered that the species in question spoke common American English, with vocabulary matching the 2014-2016 time period. Although the species' external appearance was spherical instead of coral-shaped, with only a 31% genetic similarity with humans, it possesses very similarly structured speech organs to humans, which can produce speech when the organism surfaces from the water.

Of note is that during an informal meeting, the Minister of Foreign Affairs of the joint government of Exoplanet-49 was asked what the "foot" in "footnote" meant, and replied that it was not a morpheme that could be used on its own. It also stated that it was not surprised the human representatives were using English, even though this was the first contact they had with other intelligent life.

According to information transferred back from the Foundation embassy on Exoplanet-49, only American English is spoken and written on Exoplanet-49, and every speaker meets the standards of spoken English required of voice actors in American cinema (ILR level 5). No speakers of British English, French, Chinese, Arabic, or Russian could be found. A museum of history on Exoplanet-49 was found to possess fossils dating as far back as 230 million years, giving a complete history of life on Exoplanet-49, which has been confirmed to be genuine by Foundation researchers. Ancient cultural artifacts dating back to approximately 8000 years ago were also found, with text written in simple modern American English, and not an ancestor language such as Old English.

I've noticed that my colleagues have been circulating some rumors about SCP-CN-2631. Some people believe that it was some people from HQ who were sent there by mistake and asked the Temporal Anomalies Department to thoroughly investigate operations from 2014 through 2016, espcially the Scattered Padding Agreement. However, the truth is that ideographic writing has been washed away over the past four thousand years; every month since 2016, too, has brought new idioms, phrases and words into American English. But they have preserved a standard form of American English for over eight thousand years - the writing on the artifacts looks like it had been written yesterday, with no translation needed. And it should already be common knowledge in this department that these beings have naturally evolved over millions of years, as proven by fossil evidence.

Others say that it was not us that made contact with them, but rather that they had colonized us a long time ago, or that they had infiltrated our kind. In that case, American English would have been the original form of English, and British English would have evolved from it; the opposite of what truly happened.

Others take the very optimistic view that American English is the endpoint of all language; the linguists in our group would say that for an aquatic lifeform without feet, "footnote" might not exist in their vocabulary; rather, it would be something more like "tailnote". In truth, it would not even be necessary for them to come up to the surface and speak through soundwaves; they could communicate through sodium ion current.

There are even some more ridiculous ideas; that some third party has taught them to speak American English out of pure passion, and that they had maintained their language as a result. I wonder if the Site Director would make whoever came up with this idea take another sixteen hours of scientific literacy classes.

There is a theory I have heard that this cultural input came from their secret observation of the Earth. This is indeed the most likely scenario under normal conditions, but to repeatedly monitor only two years of American culture for over eight thousand years, from several million light-years away, starting in their equivalent of 6000 BC? That doesn't make any sense. My student, Dr. Cache, has given me an even more possible reasoning.

Language is spoken for others to hear, to understand. From what we can tell, they aren't speaking American English for each other, much less for us millions of light-years away.

They're speaking to the audience.

Currently, for security considerations, all contact with Exoplanet-49 has been suspended by O5 order.

Update 2021/6/15: First contacts with Exoplanet-78 and Exoplanet-113, and further hosts of intelligent life have shown that [DATA EXPUNGED].

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