rating: +3+x

Item #: SCP-CN-661

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-CN-661-1 shall be stored in a Standard Humanoid Containment Chamber in Site-CN-99, and is to wear specially designed attire. At least one Scranton Reality Anchor is to be in effect in an adjacent room. One male member of D-Class personnel is to satisfy SCP-CN-661's sexual needs once each day; if SCP-CN-661-1 has any objections, reducing the frequency of this may be considered. The milk produced by the object shall be consumed by the D-class in direct line of sight of SCP-CN-661-1.

Description: SCP-CN-661-1 is a Caucasian adult male named ████████ ██████████, 27 years of age, and is the owner of a bakery. Besides the effect it has on SCP-CN-661, the subject has no apparent anomalous effects.

SCP-CN-661 is SCP-CN-661-1's male reproductive system, including its testes (SCP-CN-661-1 believes its pubic hair to be its head hair), length 109 cm. By testing, the object has been alive for at least █████ years, and is visibly stitched onto SCP-CN-661-1's body. To avoid obstructing its continued growth, dead skin on the exterior of the object has been removed. The object is capable of producing an adult male's voice by an unknown mechanism; when speaking, it will excrete pure milk. In addition, the object is perpetually erect. SCP-CN-661 is capable of controlling some of SCP-CN-661-1's anomalous properties. These anomalous properties are variable and as such no concrete examples can be provided. SCP-CN-661 also possesses low-strength reality warping capabilities. When SCP-CN-661-1 has not had its sexual needs satisfied, SCP-CN-661 will continuously produce milk, producing 7 liters every hour, until SCP-CN-661-1 is once again satisfied.

SCP-CN-661 calls itself "Saint Dick", and claims to be the powerful reproductive organ of Jehovah. When initially contained, SCP-CN-661 was arguing with SCP-CN-661-1 over which of the two was to control the body. SCP-CN-661-1 has stated that when SCP-CN-661 manifested when he first masturbated, and has grown by 10 cm every year since.

Addendum: Interview Log:

Interviewer: Agent Kcid
Interviewee: SCP-CN-661, SCP-CN-661-1
Duration: 12 minutes
Location: Site-CN-99, Low-Threat Humanoid Containment Chamber
SCP-CN-661-1 was restrained on a fixed iron frame, and SCP-CN-661 was enabled to speak through an opening.

(Begin Recording)

Agent Kcid: Good morning, SCP-CN-661.

SCP-CN-661: Greetings! Son of Man.

Agent Kcid: Alright, may I ask you a few questions?

SCP-CN-661: Approved. My children will always have troubles, and I am obliged to release them, to let them know the truth in the mystery. So, listen, and become enlightened.

(SCP-CN-661 shakes slightly.)

Agent Kcid: Thank you for your cooperation. So who or what are you?

SCP-CN-661: I am Jehovah's cone, blade of God, divine soldier of Heaven. All things come from me, I am the servant of the Holy Father. I am Saint Dick.

Agent Kcid: And when did you appear? Or, when were you born?

SCP-CN-661: At the beginning of all, at the dawn of heaven and earth, when Jehovah brought me into this world. He and I are one and the same.

Agent Kcid: Yes, so you have seen how He created everything.

SCP-CN-661: At that time, I could not speak, hear, or see. I felt warmth, His holy hand caressing me, and I could hear; His holy hand shaking me, and I could speak; His warmth and power entering me, and my vision cleared and I could see; and when I could see, I felt my spirit clear, and I cried tears of joy. Those clouds in my vision fell and became the heaven and the earth.

Agent Kcid: Oh… is there any more?

SCP-CN-661: When He created man, they could not mate. He led by example, revealing me in front of His creation, and taught them how to use me himself. Only then did they understand.

Agent Kcid: … And why are you now on this person's body?

SCP-CN-661: It is truly unfortunate. At the time, the world was only a cave, muddy and unpleasant. The Lord stretched me into the cave, and he scrubbed it, washed out the dirt. I bled, and the blood that flowed became a great body of water - the seas. His words I did not understand - nobody can, for no one can be his equal. And as I was trapped within that cave, He laid the keystone and left me there.

Agent Kcid: And what did He say? Could you say it to me again?

SCP-CN-661: He said: "Aah, aaah, aaaaaaah, stop, ahhh, aaaaah, aaaaaaah, stop, stop, aaaah! I'm cooming, I'm coooooooming!"

(While SCP-CN-661 repeats the words, the entire metal cage begins shaking.)

Agent Kcid: What the fuck… So where did you go?

SCP-CN-661: The Holy Mother of the Earth told me that there was a man, the chosen son of God, and that I would attach myself to him and assist him, just as I had assisted the Lord. So I arrived at his body.

Agent Kcid: "Assist"? How are you to assist him?

SCP-CN-661: By using his Holy Left Hand and Holy Right Hand to caress me, to love me. I will produce the Holy Milk, and following that this world will once again be free of famine. The Lord even gave me an important task.

Agent Kcid: Which is?

SCP-CN-661: To transmit His legacy.

(At this point, SCP-CN-661-1's body produces an intense light, breaking free of its bindings and standing up in the containment chamber.)

Agent Kcid: Emergency! Safety breached! Requesting assist— what.

(SCP-CN-661-1 passes through the separating wall, and stands in front of Agent Kcid)

SCP-CN-661-1:Hey, you fucking…

SCP-CN-661:Holy Right Hand!

(SCP-CN-661-1 raises its right hand, which begins to produce light, and grasps Agent Kcid's left shoulder.)

Agent Kcid: Hey! What are you doing? Security! Security!

SCP-CN-661: Transmitting His legacy. Holy Left Hand!

(SCP-CN-661-1 raises its left hand, which begins to produce light, and grasps Agent Kcid's right shoulder.)

Agent Kcid: I'm a man, you fucking idiot.

SCP-CN-661-1: I'm not fucking gay, dammit! Stop right now!

SCP-CN-661: When He showed me to mankind, He also copulated with a man. It is merely that your heart is still warped, and so you are scared of doing this in broad daylight. Sexual intercourse is a gift from God, an innate ability of man. You consider it filthy and obscene, and you refrain from it, yet you are yourself born of this filth.

(SCP-CN-661-1 and Agent Kcid's bodies produce an intense light, and two bodies' silhouettes are visible. A slight moaning is heard. All security personnel at the scene do not act, merely staring at the source of the light. Followup interviews revealed that the personnel did not remember the events during this time. After 3 minutes, Agent Kcid leaves the light; his clothes were torn and his curled-up body is soaked in pure milk. He cries, lying on the ground. The light source returns to the restraint in the holding room and fades.)

(End Recording)

Note: Agent Kcid requested a change in assignment, which was granted. SCP-CN-661-1 did not provide a statement on this event. SCP-CN-661's containment procedures were updated to the current version. Because the Scranton Reality Anchor in the chamber had no effect on the anomalous effects in this document, a proposal to update containment procedures such that SCP-CN-661 is continuously satisfied is being discussed.

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