SCP-∞-DE-J

Credits

Article: SCP-∞-DE-J
Author: DerSchmirgelGottes
Image Creator: DerSchmirgelGottes
Image Source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/198331481@N08/52886775355/in/dateposted-public/lightbox/

Item #: SCP-∞-DE-J

Object Class: Safe Euclid Keter Apollyon

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-∞-DE-J is on no account to be removed from its containment on the desk inside Dr. Kofi's bureau in Super-Ultra-Secret-Level 5 High-Security-Mega-Tank-Shelter Site-DE-███. The 51 subjects affected by SCP-∞-DE-J's effects (Dr. Kofii, Agent ███, Dr. Sch███, Dr. H████, Agent ████, D-█████, SCP-███-DE, no. I won't continue, think those names up yourself, I'll never write down those [Expletive] 51 names, you empty-headed [EXPLETIVE] you have no idea about the research 'bout the [EXPLETIVE] I have to do all day to earn my daily bread! [EXPLETIVE] me all, do your [EXPLETIVE] alone!!! I'll go in there now and check on my boys), are to be considered lost or rather neutralized.

Remark: The employee, who was tasked with documenting the object succumbed to the effects of SCP-∞-DE-J and was deemed lost. Therefore, documentation of the object had to be vicariously continued by █████.

Entry into the containment of SCP-∞-DE-J is strictly prohibited to evade further loss of personnel. In case ash from the source of SCP-∞-DE-J-2 is found, O5 is to be contacted, all sites sealed, all emergency protocols activated, and MTF-Nu-7-"Hammer Down from the English branch dispatched, who will use the Atomar-Nuclear-Ultra-Supernova-Secret-Mega-Laser-Reality-Particle-Atom-Annihilation-Plasma-Pulverizer 3000 to sizzle the ash away, remove it from all realities, anti-realites and omniverses, and turn it into Anti-Anti-Anti-Matter, which must be inserted in the Scarlet King's toilet flushing and subsequently be thrown into SCP-3333 under highest security measures.

Remark: Those extreme security measures are considered necessary to exclude the hypothetical possibility that SCP-XXX-DE-∞-J-2 could potentially be produced.

NOTICE BY SITE LEAD FROM SITE-DE██

Something must be done against the effects of SCP-∞-DE-J without circumvention, or else the Foundation will crumble as a whole. We have already had to expand the bureau, so that the victims do not crush each other. Should we fail to get this situation under control, an SK-Class Loss of Consciousness scenario will likely be the result. Only a miracle or antimemetic inoculation can save us now.

— O4-█, Director of Site-DE██, presumably immune to SCP-∞-DE-J's anomalous effects.

Description:

+OPEN FILE

SCP-∞-DE-J consists of two components: The object itself (SCP-∞-DE-J-1) and its content (SCP-∞-DE-J-2). SCP-∞-DE-J-1 designates a coffee mug by the brand: WEC. Reat. ED. ANAPO Lyon™¹. Destruction SCP-∞-DE-J or removal from its current location is impossible, which renders it impossible to bowl SCP-∞-DE-J-1 over. The construction material of SCP-∞-DE-J-1 could not be determined due to the continuing memetic effects, but it is suspected to be porcelain. SCP-∞-DE-J-2 is supposedly coffee and originates from Site-DE██'s cafeteria, and has been produced by the standard caterer of the SCP Foundation, the "Containment Cusine", using an in-house coffee machine. The latter has been confiscated, whereupon the coffee filter was found to contain a portal to another dimension solely consisting of hot coffee, from which the coffee machine obtains its product. The coffee machine was thereupon cremated to prevent the production of SCP-∞-DE-J-2 (refer to containment procedures for further details). The temperature of SCP-∞-DE-J-2's content consistently amounts to 77° C and can not be cooled, drunk, or destroyed in any way. Every person, be it humanoid, incorporeal or otherwise existent directly observing SCP-∞-DE-J has the extreme urgent need to cool SCP-∞-DE-J-2 down via blowing with their mouth. As this has no effect on the temperature of the contents, the subject is trapped in a state of blowing UNTIL THE END OF DAYS AND THE UNIVERSE [EXPLETIVE], I'm out, they want us all to [EXPLETIVE] with their jabbering, but not with me, I will go there now and see what really goes on in this [EXPLETIVE] office!

NOTICE BY SITE LEAD FROM SITE-DE██

This is the second time now that a documenter falls victim to the effects!
I shall therefore take on the documentation of THIS DAMN HELL CUP SCP-∞-DE-J.

— O4-█, Director of Site-DE-██, supposedly immune to SCP-∞-DE-J's anomalous effects.

Another anomalous, memetic effect is that every person knowing a victim of the effects of SCP-∞-DE-J suddenly shows great interest in their current whereabouts. The person will inquire other personnel about the victim's whereabouts, but will deny every explanation, be it the truth, disbelief and REALLY ANOMALOUS GNARLY KETER-CLASS CURSES obscene expletives and ultimately set on their own to ascertain the whereabouts of the victim.

Addendum 1.1:

+OPEN FILE

NOTICE BY SITE LEAD FROM SITE-DE██

This is enough, I'm starting not to believe in the jabberwocky of this damn infinity thingamabob cup any longer. I go there now and look at the [EXPLETIVE] myself!!

— O4-█, Director of Site-DE██, presumably immune to SCP-∞-DE-J's anomalous effects.

Addendum 1.2:

+OPEN FILE

DISTRESS SIGNAL-05-10-2305

---

To all Foundation employees reading this message: Please help us. This is a message by the Foundation from the future. We suffered a SK-Class-Loss-Of-Consciousness-Scenario. Germany has been buried under ca. 9.9 billion humans 24 hours ago. The reason for this being THE DAMN BLOWING CUP OF HORROR! As a result of the immense weight on the European and Asian continent, both fell victim to severe earthquakes. All humans blow like crazy on the thing, which is, by the way, still not destroyed or cooled down. We think that we are the only humans immune to the memeticum. Tornadoes and hurricanes result from all the blowing. We were just able to save the god damn time machine to send this message. SCP-2000 has already been activated. But we assume that it won't do any good. Sooner or later, all clones will shuffle along to Germany and jump on the blowwagon. Besides, this also works without visual contact. I already hear the next tornado approaching. Who could have foreseen that a cup would be the undoing of us all. God have mercy on us and PLEASE DESTROY THIS THING!

---

Life signs lost.

Footnotes

1. This logo is imprinted on the underside of SCP-∞-DE-J-1 with black, non-anomalous ink. This could be recorded by security cameras in the corridors, when Dr. Kofii transported SCP-∞-DE-J in his office.
(God knows what we all could have been spared of if he had just spilled it on the way!!!) A brand using this name could not be found anywhere on Earth.