SCP-ES-101-J
rating: +10+x

Item #: SCP-ES-101-J

Object Class: Safe

Threat Level: Pink1

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-ES-101-J is placed in the break room of Site-34. Members of the Applied Task Force Omega-99 (“OPEN THE FUCKING JAR!”) are allowed to make all attempts they deem necessary to open the object as long as they are acceptable to the project leader, Dr. Jacobo Merlin. All other activity or research will be suspended until the opening of SCP-ES-101-J under the direction of the Site-34 director, Dr. Jacobo Merlin.

Description: SCP-ES-101-J is a glass jar containing mango marmalade, brand name [REDACTED] with a net weight of 440g; the object is not physically different from other bottles of the same brand. The main anomaly of SCP-ES-101-J consists in the fact that the lid of the object is fucking impossible to open THE FUCKING BITCH WON'T OPEN has an abnormally high difficulty to be removed.

SCP-ES-101-J was obtained by Director Merlin from a supermarket, with good deals, where he purchased it to later move it to Site-34 and deposit it in the cupboard in the break room, along with a note that read "DO NOT TOUCH -MERLIN" taped on the object. Originally, Director Merlin intended to use the contents of SCP-ES-101-J as an ingredient for his breakfast. The morning following the purchase of SCP-ES-101-J, the director attempted to remove the lid of the object several times without success. Engineer Santarrosa, who was on the scene during the incident, decided to see if he was able to open the object. Santarrosa attempted to open SCP-ES-101-J using a rag to get a better grip; the attempt failed. Agent Patterson - who was also on the scene - offered to open the jar, which resulted in another failed attempt; he then requested Santarrosa's assistance to open the object between the two of them, which also failed.

Researcher Mondragon, who was watching the situation, approached and offered to open SCP-ES-101-J, while mocking his co-workers' lack of strength. After spending about 40 minutes trying to open SCP-ES-101-J, using brute force as well as cutlery, Mondragon gave up and the attempt was unsuccessful. Upset by the situation, Director Merlin declared SCP-ES-101-J an anomaly and formed ATF Omega-99 (the detachment included many of the Site-34 personnel and members of the ATFs stationed at the site). Director Merlin stated to the newly formed Omega-99 the following words: Nobody leaves until they open the fucking jar.2

List of attempts to open SCP-ES-101-J:

Personnel Involved Method Used Result
Dr. Castillo Use of brute force. Attempt failed.
Dr. Dowell Use of brute force. Attempt failed.
Dr. Castillo Use of more brute force Attempt failed.
Attempts omitted for brevity.
Dr. Von Braun Use a saw to cut the lid part of the jar. Attempt denied.3
Researcher Mondragón Use of brute force. Attempt failed after half an hour.
SCP-ES-234 Scratch and bite the lid. Attempt failed.
More attempts omitted for brevity.
Researcher. Vander Put the object under hot water so that the lid dilates and breaks the vacuum of the flask. This was done while scolding the rest of the researchers for not using their heads despite having hundreds of PhDs altogether. Attempt failed.
Researcher Vander The same attempt, but for longer. Attempt failed.
Researcher Vander The same attempt, but for much longer. Attempt failed.
Researcher Vander Use of brute force. Attempt failed.
Prelator Dunwich Invocation by thaumaturgical means of an extradimensional entity to whom a blood sacrifice would be offered if he managed to open SCP-ES-101-J. Attempt failed.
Prelator Dunwich and the extradimensional entity Use of brute force. Attempt failed.
Even more attempts omitted for brevity.
Three members of MTF Dseda-8 SCP-ES-101-J is held by a press while the lid by a wrench. The MTF members would jointly push the wrench so that their combined force opens the jar. Attempt failed; the MTF members hit the ground hard when the wrench broke.
Researcher Delaroy A baseball bat. Attempt denied; Researcher Delaroy was admonished.
Dr. González Use of brute force. Attempt failed.
Dr. González Firing a 9mm at the jar. Attempt averted; the bullet fired ricocheted against the wall and almost wounded agent Penz. Dr. Gonzalez was reprimanded. After an appeal by the implicated, it was decided to withdraw the reprimand.4;5;6
MANY MORE attempts omitted for brevity.
Dr. Ekane Use of brute force while screaming in frustration. Attempt failed.
Agent Shuffle Sang a song accompanied by an acoustic guitar to the object about how much he wanted to open up and go home. Attempt failed.
Not as many attempts omitted for brevity as before
Dr. Yerko The same thing he did hundreds of times before. Attempt failed.
Dr. Yerko The same thing he did hundreds of times before, but in the opposite direction. Attempt successful.

Addendum: After SCP-ES-101-J was opened and analyzed, it was discovered that the object had a manufacturing error that caused it to open by turning it to the left and not to the right as it normally would. Following this discovery, SCP-ES-101-J was reclassified as Explained.

This never happened, okay? - Dr. Merlín.




This fills me with a profound sense of dread. -Dr. Blanca

Idiots. –Dr. Reach

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