SCP-ES-2357-J

Item #: SCP-ES-2357-J

Object Class: The Best of All

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-ES-2357-J is to be upvoted without even reading it. Removing the upvote is allowed only in case the user wants to re-experience the pleasure of upvoting SCP-ES-2357-J.

In order for SCP-ES-2357-J to have the rating it deserves, the use of bots, dummy accounts, and all kinds of persuasion towards third parties to upvote the article are allowed. All downvotes are to be punished with the most painful and cruel method of execution that the person in charge of implementing it can think of.

Description: SCP-ES-2357-J is, without a doubt, the best SCP. It is this very item, which is the best of the best of the best. Therefore, it is not surprising that it has a high rating. It is literally impossible to create a page even one tenth as good as this one. Anyone who thinks otherwise has less brain cells than a shoe.

The anomalous properties of SCP-ES-2357-J are… who cares? I don't even have to say its anomalous properties. The anomalous thing is that I have to waste my time trying to convince a pathetic reader like you that this article is the best piece of literature you've ever heard of in your entire, miserable existence.

You may be wondering why SCP-ES-2357-J is not on the front page as a featured article.¹ That is because SCP-ES-2357-J is worth far too much to just display there. The featured section does not deserve to have this document linked on it. It is for the same reason that this is not a proposal for SCP-ES-001, because the whole SCP-ES-001 section is garbage compared to the article you are currently reading. To mix such greatness and magnificence with other articles, and consider them on the same level, would be like putting the Venus de Milo in a toxic waste dump.

Speaking of exhibition in other places, there are disgusting individuals who have asked that the document of SCP-ES-2357-J be translated into every language there is, in order to be posted in other branches of this wiki. I understand their good intention, but that would distort the innate perfection of this article, since it is better written in Spanish than in any other language, since it is the language of great literary figures such as Cervantes, Quevedo, García Márquez, Rubén Darío, or myself (I may have not written books, but I have written this). Why translate this excellent text to other languages? Let them learn Spanish and read it in its original essence!²

SCP-ES-2357-J is the best article in this wiki. I know I have said it before, but no matter how many times I say it, it is not enough. Or do you think that someone like Detective Marw would be able to beat me with their shitty article titled "Welcome to the SCP Foundation!"? That's just plain stupid, such an asshole wouldn't be my equal even if they had six degrees related to literature.

Hell, SCP-ES-2357-J is even better than that Macro/7happy7 Proposal article. What are 134 crappy votes next to all the ones this page has? Besides, surely the 138 people who stoped to pollute their fingers by voting for that article are stupider than the guy who roasts butter.

Addendum:
SCP-ES-2357-J has won numerous contests. Only one single article, yet it has won contests both before and after its publication in this wiki. These are some of the contests in which SCP-ES-2357-J has been the undisputed winner:

• SCP-CN-1000 "Circulation" Contest Hub

• International Group of Interest Contest 2019

• 2020 WAIFU Contest (Two Days to Write! Ended)

• 2018 Shorts Contest

• Korean Wiki 3-Day Contest

• "Uncertain" To Be SCP-CN-2000 Contest Hub

• SCP-100-VN Contest Hub

• The FR Ten Year Anniversary Contest

• Blackout Contest Vietnam

• SCP-1000-KO Contest Hub

• International Collaboration Contest 2023

• SCP-CN-1000 Contest: Prologue

• 2023 "Absence" Canon Contest Hub

• The Mighty Translation Initiative

• AcuaCon-2022

• Short Contest 2023

• Christmas Short Tales Contest

• GoI-ES Contest 2017

• Contest: Ideas for an SCP Article

• SCP-050-IT Contest

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At the time, the other participants were told not to even bother writing for the contests. Many showed their intelligence by paying attention and retiring, but there were others who chose to try. They failed miserably and were humiliated in a most exemplary manner for daring to try to overshadow this article in those contests. Even so, the silly admins rewarded some of the participants, telling them "they had won the contest". Surely not to damage their fragile morale as losers and awful writers.

Incident 2357-1: It has been detected that some assholes has disregarded the containment procedures and downvoted this article. At the moment these are 2 assholes with some mental disorder or no will to live. If it is the latter, it will be cause for much joy, because we know the name and location of every undesirable person who dares to stain this article with a downvote. MTF Alpha-999 ("The Best of the Universe") is tasked to find any offender who attacks this article, force them to retract, change their downvote for an upvote, blow up their disgusting airhead with bullets and put in their fucking house a shitload of kilograms of trinitrotoluene, SEMTEX, C4, Goma-2, amonal, nitroglycerin and Valencian firecrackers. So that it blows up and explodes until it bursts, and so he learns not to downvote what he should not.

Footnotes

1. In fact, there are admins and mods who are talking about placing this article on the decommissioned page, as some kind of "scorn and shame". Shame on them for having such unhealthy envy, just because someone has written an article a thousand times better than what they could have possibly made after a hundred years of training in language and literature. They will never be as cool as me, and banning me would only prove that I am right.

2. Translator's Note: :(