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the jug.

Item #: SCP-HIC-IT-J

Object Class: P. G. I.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-HIC-IT-J is to be contained in Site Bacchus, down there in the celalr with all the other wine. U gotta be careful when you go get it cause it hides in the dark an dto go bring it upstairs because it all clouds up and you can’t understand anything. Sometimes we bring it upstairs when someone important shows up, like a Doctor or an Overseeer, otherwise jsut keep it down there in the cellar.

Description:SCP-HIC-IT-J is a glass jug, made of glass, that has a capacity of 30 liters. It holds 30 liters of wine, better if it’s red. When you drink from the jug you feel good, and you get lightheaded your legs feel weak and your mouth gets a bit dry but you still feel good because the wine is good and who drinks is also good because he doesnt have anything to hide and he doesn’t snitch because snitches wind up in ditches with worms and witches.

Then SCP-HIC-IT-J fills up when u need it, like when you feel down cause they told you “i’m sorry but your just a friend to me”, or like when youre with friends and you need to have adrink to stay calm and happy, because you cant be happy all the time cause when you’re working it doesnt matter where you are like in the garage or in the field at the end of the day you feel tired and you dont want to do nothing no more and so you drink a little bit of wine and you’re alright and you get back home and go to sleep all happy and all is good, then in the morning your head is pounding and it hurts even right now goddammnit. Then when you speak of SCP-HIC-IT-J or you write something about it with it near you you feel like youve drumk a bit too much, but if you’re good then it;s all good because when you’re good that’s what’s important and even if you'll feel bad afterwards it doesn’t matter because after all that you won't understand anything.

We found SCP-HIC-IT-J one evening in Bassano del Grappa, near Treviso, in a tavern in the middle of the mountains. Unfortunately no one remembers how we found it: the two agents that stopped there because they needed to go pee brought it out because they won it by playing cards with the town geezers and then took it away with them. they remember that they even got stopped by the police while on the A4 becaus they said they were on the wrong lane and that they had already caused six crashesd but they let them go because they all drunk a bit of Merlot or Cabernet or France or whatever the hell it’s called which is still wine so it’s also good for them since when you’re working in the night a glass keeps you awake and also coffee isn’t as good as wine and it’s also better for you. Then they got to Site Bacchus and went in the cellar with the jug, maybe they’re still down here who knows.

Addendum HIC.1: Interview

Interviewer: Doctor Hughes Armand Nathan Gover

Interviewed: Agent Damian Runk, Agent Wilson Asted

Preface: The two agents found the jug and now we’ve got to ask them questions so we can understand what happened.


Doctor Hughes Armand Nathan Gover: Alright, will you explain to me or not what you did? It’s recording, right?

Agent Damian Runk: I don't think it is, what do you think?

Agent Wilson Asted: Of course it's working, what are you saying?

D. Runk: The hell do I know, I don't see any light turned on…

W. Asted: Trust me man, I know this kind of stuff.

D. Runk: Ok yeah of course, you know-it-all…

H.A.N. Gover: Hey, let’s not make a fuss. We’re dealing with serious stuff here.

D. Runk: I get that yeah, but can't you see what a damn moron he is?

W. Asted: Woah, how dare you, idiot!

D. Runk: Weren’t you from Livermore? Is it offensive to say that you’re morons?

W. Asted: Of course it is, fuckface, but it’s better to be a moron than a yankee like you!

D. Runk: Why the hell are you screaming, I’m telling you you’re drunk!

W. Asted: The fuck you called me a cuck for? Dumbass!

D. Runk: You’re the dumbass here!

[The two try to engage in a fight, but end up clinging to one another, ultimately beginning to laugh like idiots.]

H.A.N. Gover: Hey hey, what the hell is this? Let’s all watch our attitudes and behavior please! And also remember that here the only one that can call you dumbasses is me.

[D. Runk and W. Asted begin laughing in an increasingly more chaotic manner.]

H.A.N. Gover: What on earth are you two laughing for, you knuckleheads?

W. Asted: If we really have to say it, in this case, you’re the dumbass.

H.A.N. Gover: Let’s hear it then, why is that so?

W. Asted: This thing here, yeah, it’s a questionnaire, right?

H.A.N. Gover: More so a questioning, but let’s call it an interview, yes. Why do you ask?

W. Asted: Ok, yeah, that; all we need is me and that idiot over there right?

D. Runk: Hey!

H.A.N. Gover: Quit it. We need you two, I think. You took the object right?

W. Asted: (clapping his hands) Very good, you’re right.

H.A.N. Gover: Uhm ok, and?

W. Asted: And…

H.A.N. Gover: Yes?

W. Asted: Oh God, I forgot what I was going to say…

D. Runk: And I’m the idiot here.

W. Asted: Ah, that’s so annoying. I had it right here (points to the tip of his tongue), and now I don’t anymore.

H.A.N. Gover: Alright, would you like anything to drink, water?

W. Asted: I mean, if you have some red wine I’d be more than hap-

[Agents D. Runk and W. Asted shut up for a couple of seconds, then they look at each other, dumbfounded, and start laughing again.]

H.A.N. Gover: Are you fucking with me or what?

D. Runk: Eh, doc, I think he remembered! Ahah!

H.A.N. Gover: Ah yes, that thing. Great, tell me, Asted!

W. Asted: I, uh, Christ…

[The agent keeps laughing in an unruly manner]

H.A.N. Gover: Well, then? Are you going to keep treating me like an idiot, or will you let me know why you think I am one? You, Runk, do you know why?

D. Runk: Oh yeah.

H.A.N. Gover: Let's hear it then: why would I be an idiot?

D. Runk: Because why the hell would you bring the jug in here?

H.A.N. Gover:

[The two agents keep on laughing for another five minutes, while doctor H.A.N. Gover holds his head in his hands.]

D. Runk: So? What did we have to do?

H.A.N. Gover: I’ve forgotten. Aren’t you two sleepy? My head feels heavy like a boulder right on my forehead. I also feel like it’s gotten red…

D. Runk: Your nose too!


Afterword: We’ll try again later, this time without the jug.
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