rating: +7+x

Item #:
Trainee: Okay. Ehm, this is where the number of the SCP goes, right?

Instructor: Yep


Instructor: That's not a real number.

Trainee: It's a placeholder. You told me something about placeholders just now, didn't you?

Object Class:
Trainee: And, ehm, what is the SCP? I guess… Ah!


Instructor: That's not an object class!

Trainee: Yes, but you told me I can use a placeholder!

Instructor: Yeah, but not at the Object Class!

Trainee: Oh, I don't care!

Instructor: Oh fuck it, just write the Special Containment Procedures.

Trainee: Okay.

Special Containment Procedures:
Trainee: Alright. This is gonna be hard… now I gotta write how you keep it locked up, yeah?

Instructor: Yes, you have to write how it is contained.

It has to be contained with a sponge.

Instructor: Well, you could be more specific.

Trainee: Yeah, yeah, I can do this.

The sponge has to work.

Instructor: No, no, no! You have to specifically write why the sponge has to work!

The sponge has to work so you can make the thing wet.

Instructor: But why do you have to make it wet?

Trainee: Come on! What else do I have to say? I'll leave it here.

Trainee: Here I have to write… what it is?

Instructor: Yeah, and you'll have to do this part on your own because I'm gonna go grab a coffee.

Trainee: I can do this!

It's big and colourful, it's stupid, and will not negotiate peacefully. It can shoot something that is red and hurts! It swallows kids and hides in big potted plants! It can spread out a kind of virus that turns everyone into zombies and makes them spineless. And it can do magic! It controls spells like "Awwada Kedapra" and kills its enemies! It can also change its speed! And it has giant eyes that can hypnotize people.

Instructor: I'm back… your article is very… special? And why is this thing so powerful?

Trainee: I thought I could write what I wanted!

Instructor: Yeah, but how would the Foundation contain it?

Trainee: No idea, you guys can do everything!

Instructor: No we can't-… just keep writing, okay?

Trainee: Yeah alright, but I'll add something!

It manipulates humans so that they say their innermost feelings.

Instructor: This sentence… is upgradeable…

Trainee: Yes, but it's good enough for me.

Trainee: I don't need you here!

Instructor: Aight, if you say so.

The thingamabob fell into a coma on the 5th of October and then got brought into the Foundation, I believe?

Instructor: And, how's it looking?

Trainee: I did my best.

Instructor: You don't say stuff like "I believe", you have to be sure!

Trainee: Okay then, thanks for the info.

Trainee: Can I write an Interview?

Instructor: Sure! Just put it in a box.


Dr. Poopa: Hello! Oh no, please do not hypnotize me!

SCP-(TYPEANYNUMBERHERE)-DE-J: No. I will not, because I have a sponge!

Instructor: What the… how the hell would a sponge keep it from doing that? And what kind of name is Poopa?

Trainee: Pst! I have to concentrate!

Dr. Poopa: Oh yeaaah! So, I was gonna ask why you're so great. 😚

SCP-(TYPEANYNUMBERHERE)-DE-J: Because I loooove this sponge!😍

Instructor: Can I have a look?

Trainee: Sure! And, how is it?

Instructor: It is… crap! Dude, how many times do I have to say this? And why is it "SCP-(TYPEANYNUMBERHERE)-DE-J" instead of "SCP-(INSERTANYNUMBERHERE)-DE-J"? Come on, go back to your room and read this document here!

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