Item #: SCP-none-KO-J
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-none-KO-J is commonly found in my bedroom and strolls around my house to "walk." The subject has sociophobia and therefore avoids social contact with humans besides myself. Firearms and sharp objects are not allowed near the subject. Male undergarments or objects that are too heavy should not be hung on SCP-none-KO-J.
Description: SCP-none-KO-J is a common wooden coat hanger stand. I have used it for seven years after I've bought it from [DATA EXPUNGED] furniture store, but it is still sturdy and useful enough. The first communication with SCP-none-KO-J and me was five months ago. The subject appears to be able of locomotion, hearing, and vision. On rare occasions, when one plays innocent after being caught watching porn, I shudder at the fact that the subject identifies as female. Her personality is [DATA EXPUNGED], and drops any items hung on itself whenever there's a chance, claiming that it will take legal action for unpaid labor, mentioning labor laws. When I am working, the subject does the "swaggering step dance," which is done without dropping any item of clothing or dances to "Billy Jeans" wearing my favorite hat. Installation of surveillance cameras was considered since minor damages were possible, but subject refused the idea claiming it is a violation of personal space.
Descriptions about the subject's exterior are debatable, but I have tried to write it as objectively as possible.
Height: 2.3 m (Subject claims 2.5 m. Rejected based on product manual. subject claims it is within the margin of error.)
Weight: 20 kg (Subject claims 15 kg. Rejected based on the product manual. subject claims it has lost weight.)
Place of manufacture: China (Subject claims Korea. Rejected based on the phrase "Made in China" tattooed on the subject)
Material: Birch (Subject claims Sun tree. Rejected based on product manual)
Addendum A: Audio log 01:
<Start of recording>
Dr. ██ Cho: You are now SCP-174-KO-J.
SCP-none-KO-J: 174? Why does it have to be 174? That's my least favorite number!
Dr. ██ Cho: Is it? Okay, I'll change that. Which number do you want?
SCP-none-KO-J: Anything besides 174.
Dr. ██ Cho: What about 160?
SCP-none-KO-J: No, it sounds too fat.
Dr. ██ Cho: 182?
SCP-none-KO-J: So out of style.
Dr. ██ Cho: Then which number do you want? Just spit it out.
SCP-none-KO-J: Hmm… One that's cool but friendly enough, cute, and sexy at the same time?
Dr. ██ Cho: S…C…P… NONE… K…O… J…
SCP-none-KO-J: HEY!
<End of recording>
Audio log 02
<Start of recording>
Dr. ██ Cho: Can't you just be a good hanger and hang clothes on yourself for once?
SCP-none-KO-J: Abide by labor laws!
Dr. ██ Cho: Screw labor laws.
SCP-none-KO-J: The fourth article of the labor standards act states that labor conditions should be agreed upon between the employer and the employee at equal positions.
Dr. ██ Cho: You always surprise me with useless knowledge.
SCP-none-KO-J: Is this recorded?
Dr. ██ Cho: Formally, yes.
SCP-none-KO-J: Help! This man is trying to assault me!
[Sound of a chair moving and falling back]
SCP-none-KO-J: Help!
[Chainsaw noises]
SCP-none-KO-J: Let's talk.
Dr. ██ Cho: (Angry sigh)
SCP-none-KO-J: If you're human, be civil. What are you, a brute?
[Chainsaw noises]
SCP-none-KO-J: Okay, okay, calm down and put that down.
<End of recording>
Audio log 03
<Start of recording>
Dr. ██ Cho: Last chance. If you don't want clothes on you, then I'll buy a new hanger and hang it there. What the hell is your problem, seriously?
SCP-none-KO-J: Abide by labor-
[Chainsaw noises]
Dr. ██ Cho: We could still talk, you know.
SCP-none-KO-J: [Momentary silence] Okay, I don't want to hang clothes. They're too heavy.
Dr. ██ Cho: okay, I understand. You have to hold it all day, and it must be heavy.
SCP-none-KO-J: Exactly!
Dr. ██ Cho: Then why the Fxxx do you keep breaking every goddamn hanger that I buy?
SCP-none-KO-J: They say I'm ugly. I just wanted to slap that-
Dr. Cho: Sure, if someone says you're ugly, it ought to make you offended. Realistically, all five new hangers tell you're ugly; then, the logical explanation is that you are ugly. Isn't it time to accept rea- [A big thud and a sound of someone collapsing]
SCP-none-KO-J: Stop acting. Get up.
[Silence]
SCP-none-KO-J: Hey, wake up.
[Silence]
SCP-none-KO-J: Oh.
<End of recording>
Note
"Most of my sick leaves are because of that thing. Please reconsider my pay cut." - Dr. ██ Cho
"She can be kind, depending on how you act. You should know how to treat a woman better." - Research assistant ██ Chung