rating: +3+x

Item #: SCP-ZH-526

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: The item is to be stored in an electronic storage safe in containment zone 1 of Site-ZH-16, and disconnected from power when not under testing conditions. Those wishing to perform experiments on the item must gain the approval of at least one level 3 personnel, and submit a psychological evaluation form from within a month.

Description: SCP-ZH-526 is a █████ brand toaster, mainly white in coloration. It has temperature and timer dials, which function normally in accordance with non-anomalous instances of the same model of toaster. When connected to a standard power source, the item gains sapience. It is able to perceive its surroundings and speak fluent Chinese through unknown means. Its voice is consistent with an adult male, and results from Turing tests and IQ tests indicate a consciousness on par with 20 to 40 year old humans. While the item only retains memories when connected to power, its recollection abilities are equal to a baseline human.

The item is aware of its status as a home electronic, along with its functions. It is eager to interact with nearby personnel, and after various interactions with the research team, it has been unanimously described as “talkative, rude, annoying,” and the like, and as such the proposition to disconnect it from power outside of testing conditions has been approved.

The item was bought in an order of small electronics, and displayed its anomalous properties the first time it used. Afterwards it was reported and contained by personnel on scene at the time. A thorough investigation found no other electronics in the order with similar properties.

Addendum: SCP-ZH-526 Interview Log

Time: 2019/8/15 10:30
Location: Site-ZH-16 Sapient Non-Humanoid Interview Rooms
Interviewer: Item Research Head Dr. Bales
Recording: Junior Researcher Xí-Fēng Yè (葉 惜楓)
Interviewed: SCP-ZH-526, hereafter 526
Foreword: This interview takes place after the Turing and IQ tests.

Begin Log

Dr. Bales: Alright, connect 526 to power, the interview will start now.

(Researcher Xí-Fēng Yè turns the item’s power socket on)

526: Oh hey! Where am I? The hot chick from earlier… wow, this is even better!

Dr. Bales:Clears throat)Sorry, I’m interviewing you today.

526:Disappointed)Fine then, how many pieces of toast do you want?

Dr. Bales: No, we’re not making toast today.

526: Why the hell did you plug me in if you’re not gonna make toast? Global warming is the responsibility of everyone in this society.

Dr. Bales: Do you know how much power you use when you’re on standby?

526: I don’t know, I’m not the one paying the electricity bill… hey beautiful don’t you ever smile?

Dr. Bales: Once again, I am the one interviewing you today.

526: Do I even have a choice?(Sighs)So what do you wanna talk about?

Dr. Bales: So you are aware of the fact that you are a toaster?

526: What the hell else would I be? A Cyclone Armstrong Jet Armstrong Shooting Jet Cannon?

Dr. Bales: (Laughs out loud, returning to calmness while the recorder looks on in confusion) How on earth do you know about that?

526: I don’t know.

Dr. Bales: Alright then, what else can you do besides making toast?

526: What else do you want me to toast? Although you can toss me into a bathtub to electrocute some poor soul to death, I personally don’t recommend doing that.

Dr. Bales: Oh, I can guarantee that won’t happen… Can I decide how toasted I want the bread to be?

526: Do you see these sexy dials I have? You can ask these two beauties about firepower and time, and if we spend enough time together, you may come to understand how our relationship can make the perfect toast.

Dr. Bales: (Rolling eyes) So you can’t change them yourself?

526: Do I look like I come with that function?

Dr. Bales: Fine… Who created you then?

526: Isn’t it written on me? Or are you illiterate?

Dr. Bales: Then where does your sapience come from?

526: Where does your sapience come from?

Dr. Bales: I have a brain.

526: And aren’t I connected to power? You buffoon.

Dr. Bales: (Resigned) I in my entire life have never expected to be burned this badly by a toaster.

526: You’re still just an amateur, go back and make some more toast. Hey beautiful, you seriously don’t smile?

Dr. Bales: The interview is now over.

526: Hey! Wait……

(Researcher Xí-Fēng Yè turns the item’s power socket off)

End Log

Notes from the interviewer: I must admit the bas— item is pretty damn funny, if anyone wants to use it to drive someone mad then you have my permission. - - Dr. Bales

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