Shoveling




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What am I doing?

IDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGI did nothing but mess up at work.IDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGNo, it's not my fault.IIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGMy family argued with me, badly.IDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGI didn't mean to say that.IDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGDid I get tired of all this?IDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGNo, I'm not.IDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGEven before I got married.IDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGEven before I was thrown into society.IDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGI was at my limits.IDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGWhether I am right.IDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGI don't know right now.IDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGBut that's all over.


Thoughts pile up in my head. I take a deep breath to empty my mind.

"Haah.."

Nobody can be seen trekking now. With a rope on my hand I head deeper into the woods.
I look around slowly, and I don't see anything. Only some trees and me.
I tie the rope on the tree, and make a noose tight enough to fit my neck.
Fear rushes in. I empty my mind again, and put my head on the noose.

Did I really want to die?

For real?

Suffocation kicks in. The fear I tried hard to forget engulfs me. I can see a faint light. Someone speaks to me but I can't hear it.


ICANTFEELMYBODYMYARMSARELOOSEIAMDROOLINGALLOVERMYEYESAREGOINGFAINTMYHEADISNUMBMYLEGSARESHAKINGIAMALLSWEATYIAMSCAREDSCAREDAFRAIDSCAREDPITIFULSCAREDSCAREDNOWIDONTKNOWWHATIAMDOINGANDSCAREDIMSCAREDSCAREDSCAREDSCAREDSCAREDDONTCOMECLOSENONONONONONO

"…"
"…"

I want to live…

SPACE!

SPACE!

SPACE!

SPACE!

SPACE!

SPACE!

SPACE!

SPACE!

SPACE!

CRASH-!

"Cough! Cough! Cough!"

My head clears as I fell to the ground. Did the branch break?
My hands were shaking, and my legs went limp.
I stroke my neck vigorously. I felt the rope mark on my neck.

"Haha…"

I chuckled without knowing. I must be relieved. Honestly speaking, I am so relieved that I can breathe, stroking my neck.

After I got my mind back, I saw a rusty spade near me.
It wasn't there a while ago. Someone else might have left it there.
I suddenly felt ridiculed. Did they make fun of me? A person's being hanged to death, and they throw away something like this, instead of saving him? Do they want me to dig down and bury myself?
I walk slowly to the spade. My legs were still shaky but they were good enough.
And I stepped hard on this piece of garba-


My mind clears. Do I not need to think about anything anymore?

I reach towards the light in the distance, but I cannot reach it.

I sink endlessly down to the abyss of hell.

I might have been destined to dig my own grave.

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