A Small Musician
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The same old, boring days.
That's what I think, yet I've been working for that company for ten years. When was the last time I was radiant.
I've been with music since I was small. There was always music in my life, and I myself have created music.
….So when I think about it, my most radiant days were when I was on the stage.

Seeing my teacher playing the piano in kindergarten, I plead my parents "I want to learn how to play the piano". I still remember the face my mother made. A little troubled, a little happy, an indescribable feeling, and she told me with a warm smile, "Of course, you can play it as much as you want." patting my head with a fondness.
I played the piano like crazy. I couldn't play well like my teacher did, but I was thrilled that a child my age was able to play and weave a sweet sound.

Then I joined the band in junior high school. I thought, I'll play an instrument other than a piano, and dabbled in to unfamiliar F clef. That's where I met the trombone.
I was crazy once again to this brass instrument which plays so much differently than others. I realized, no, I felt once again that basses are important as a backseat player.

Ten years ago such music-soaked school life ended and I went out into the world.
The only time of relief and relaxation was the jazz band that was held at the end of the month with my friends. I've made use of all the instruments I have learned. I had a good time. The elation of the concert on the street different from that of the brass band competition. When the concert was a success, we always drank alcohol at our favorite bar.

That was three years ago. It became difficult for us to make it, and it became lucky if we were able to meet once in half a year. Everyone got ahead in their careers and they said they did not have the time to do such a thing.
The decision to dissolve the group was made, and I was troubled. What should I anchor on now?
No music and living in this loud crowded place, drowning in work until retirement? Hell no.

I met a musical instrument at the music store I strolled into. It stood out and glazed like amber.
I muttered to myself, "Oh man, so this is love at first sight." and bought it. It was 1,350 dollars.
If this could support my life it was nickels and dimes.
It was an English-made violin.

After I got home from work, I took care and tuned the violin, and played it in an out-of-sight place. This was my daily routine after I met my partner.
Nights that rained, nights with beautiful moon, nights that were icy cold. I've spent many nights with this guy.
Uncommon for me I've made a mistake at the job and worked over time. Woolly-minded I held the violin and walked the town at night.
I thought I would rather disappear. I wanted to disappear into the darkness of the night.
I didn't want to hear the noise and erratic sounds any more. Plus, who would worry if I was gone anyway?

I found a quiet park with trees, street lamps, and a bench. I never noticed such a place. I walked in without hesitation.
A bench, that was shone by moonlight as bright as the light of the street lamps. Surprisingly quiet, but once you sat down and paid attention to the murmur of the trees and wind I belatedly understood to feel so pleasant.

"I spent my life not knowing or understanding these sounds."

I exhaled the smoke of the cigarette breathing out a sigh. I murmured to myself along with it.
I didn't hear any babble of voices or noises people makes which I hear daily.
Instead, I heard beautiful voice of the wind and sound of insects from far away. I thought, this is such a quiet and clear night that you could hear the stars twinkling.

I know, what if I played the violin without eliminating these sounds.
The violin's body is made of wood, and the fiddle bow is made from horse's tail hair. You can say this guy is nature too. Then the sound this makes must be a part of nature.
I bestirred myself and played a song. It's a Japanese song called …. haruyo something. My mother loved this song and frequently listened to it.
She said that this song thought of a person who were gone in the spring. I liked the bright, but somewhat melancholy melody.
Good, I knew it would play well. Feeling satisfied, I sat down at that bench once again and listened to the nature's sound.

Say, wasn't there a silent song that lasted about for just under 4 minutes? A song which you enjoy the silence. I couldn't make sense to it, but now I think I could understand it.
The sounds I hear every morning, the hustle and bustle of the crowd, the noise of the trains and cars, the voice of the wind I'm hearing now, the music many others and I play, all, all of them, may be an orchestra of this world.
Of course I have to be there too.

Lub-dub. Lub-dub.

The heartbeat through the silence. The sound of my blood running.
The bustle I heard in the morning, the sounds I felt as a noise, now not to be heard. All those sounds stared to sound like a pleasing ballad.

"I get it, this, this is music."

I finished smoking my fourth cigarette.

"If that is so, I wish I were a part of nature's sound."

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