Undetermined Area
Manitoba, Canada
February 23rd 1963
H: This is Ruby-Opal-Square, do you copy?
J: Who?
H: Ruby-Opal-Square.
M: Herbert?
H: You’re not supposed to use my name guys, for fuck’s sake.
M: Câlisse, Herbert, the code names are just the identifiers of your function, it’s like a rank. Using it like that is fucking dumb, I’m Ruby-Opal-Square too.
H: Eh?
J: Singularity in position. Bindings OK.
M: Well yes. Ruby because we’re in a RUBIES unit, Opal because we’re working for the First Crusade…
H: Ah so the First Crusade is against the Abrahamic religions? I thought it was the Fifth.
M: …and Square because we’re simple atheist members. But tabarnak, of course the Abrahamic religions are the First Crusade! They’re the worst, they’re the biggest! The Fifth is the one against the non-religious hostile organizations!
J: Explosives in place.
H: Yeah, well don’t make a big deal of it. I just mixed it up. I knew that non-religious organizations were either the First or the Last Crusade.
M: You’re Ruby-Opal-Square, period. That’s not difficult. It’s your rank, but when it's just between us, it’s okay, you have to spit out your name so we can figure it out. On the field, yeah, just say Ruby-Opal-Square so the colleagues know directly who’s the superior of who and who’s specialized in what.
J: Connections OK. We’re moving away from the site, Michel.
M: The little golf car’s nice, but not fast.
J: I’m the one in charge of the detonation anyway, so unless the remote fucks up, we’ve got all the time in the world to get away.
H: Yeah, but first you have to remember that code. And it’s way too complex!
M: Well, you just have to learn it, eh? At least the more important ones. Obviously, it’s a code, it’s like the Highway Code, you just have to learn it! Câlisse…
J: The chalice is in place.
M: I was swearing, Jérôme, I wasn’t talking about the Singularity.
J: Ah.
H: I must say, with your accent from Quebec we don’t understand shit when you're talking.
M: That doesn’t excuse your ineptitude, you damn doughhead. Let’s see, for example, Jérôme is Ruby-Opal-Navette. Go on, ask me what his cut means.
H: Erm…
M: The cut is the shape of the gem.
H: Erm… he’s considered a Singularity by civilians?
J: What? Why in hell…
M: No, that one is Star.
J: …no, I can’t believe it, what the heck…
H: I… is he the chief of the operation?
M: First, the chief of the operation isn't him, that’s Martial, but he had to go back to Toronto. Second, the chief of the operation is Blazon, and that's added in addition to the usual cut. Navette means he was part of a rival organization, or that when he’s not in the RUBIES, he’s an EMERALD in another organization. An Undercover agent, in this case.
J: Yeah.
M: In the Order of the Light, specifically.
J: No.
M: What ?
J: I’m actually in the Order of the Thirty Days.
M: But didn’t we disband that one a month ago? With the Altar of Destiny?
J: The melted faces? No that was the Order of the Purple Ewe.
M: Ah that’s right, my bad.
J: Well, we’re about to be far away enough from the explosion.
M: Excellent. We get off, we put everything in place, then we relax and enjoy the show.
H: Ah, so it's Jérôme who brought back the little goblet to us?
M: There you have it.
J: Yeah, um, we’re kind of talking about the Holy Grail here, so if we could avoid the words “little goblet”, it would…
M: It’s still a Singularity. The object isn’t incredible in itself, it just a goblet that give the impression of being exceptional, but nothing…
H: I’m sorry, we get Holy Grails every two weeks, each time we melt them and each time it’s not the real one and another gets discovered two weeks later, so…
J: I would like to bring to your attention the fact that I almost got killed about thirty times by around twenty different secret organizations between here and Lebanon to retrieve your “little goblet", and that I had to get it back almost from the other side of the world, so we could hope that the Order of What’s-its-name doesn’t come to gut us! I think a little bit of solemnity is required, at the very least, to commemorate the destruction of the Holy Grail! The proof is that we can’t melt your "little goblet" by throwing it in a fire! We’re force to go freeze our asses in the middle of the great north to blow up your "little goblet” with kilograms of dynamite!
M: No, it just gave the impression of being hard to destroy! What’s with this habit of calling it the Holy Grail, that's absolutely unatheist! It’s just a dumb chalice!
H: Hey, can we blow up the Grail and get this over with? I’m freezing!
J: I hope it’ll work.
M: I don’t see why it wouldn’t work.
J: You didn’t see what the chalice did. I’ve seen things in the Order of the Thirty Days. I’ve seen the Father be reborn under an uninterrupted flow of the Holy Blood!
M: Eh?
J: That red liquid. Everywhere. Not really wine, not really human blood. The blood of the Christ, whatever the Christ was. And the chalice made to contain it. You didn’t see when we tried to pierce it in Lisbon. The saw, fucked up. The drill, fucked up. The blowtorch, ineffective. The metal was cold right after we stopped the flame!
H: He’s having faith fever, or something? It’s okay, we have enough dynamite to make a nice crater in the landscape, the drill doesn't matter, now…
M: Moreover, maybe it’s just really, really solid metal, we didn’t analyze it. And if you start getting crazy over Christ, maybe you should have stayed in your Order of the Thirty Days, it would have served you right.
J: Note that I never claimed to have left it.
M: …
H: What did he say?
M: …
H: Guys, I can’t hear anything! Eh?
M: What do you mean exactly by “never left”, Jérôme?
H: Ah, never mind, I hear you.
J: The Holy Grail. Indestructible. We tried everything. Everything!
M: Jérôme, put that remote down slowly…
J: So we searched for outside help, of course. Experts. SAPPHIRE. Who else is better suited to destroy? Always destroy! Violate everything that’s sacred! Isn’t that right? We needed you! The best equipment, an expertise in destruction!
H: You’re frightening me a bit there, Jéjé. Am I understanding you correctly, that you're a double agent for the Catholics?
M: Shut up Herbert.
J: Shut up Herbert.
H: No, you shut up! I mean… Why do you want to destroy the Grail, if you’re one of the zealots?
J: Good question, actually. Really good question. The Grail is as much a prison as it is a container…
M: Oh God…
J: The Blood of the Christ! The Blood of the Christ, hahaha! Did you have the faintest idea…? No. Of course no. The Order of the Thirty Days swore to free it. Whatever it takes! But the chalice won’t let it out! It’s not enough to shed the Holy Blood to…
H: Look, calm your sectarian blathering down. Alright, blow it up! All of us will be happy then!
M: No, Herbert, I don’t think that's a good…
J: …And The Holy Father Will Walk On The Earth He Created, And He Will Contemplate His Flock…
H: No, but we may has well let him do it, no? He's definitely got a few screws loose, he won’t drop the remote…
M: But if he wants to do it, surely that will worsen the effects of the Singularity, chucklehead!
H: Ah shit, that’s possible.
J: … Judgement Will Restore The Peace In The Heart Of The Righteous, And A Thousand Abominations Will Strike…
H: Erm, he’s talking about abominations now…
M: Listen, Jérôme, there’s no need to screw around. If you do something stupid and worsen everything, I’ll be forced to…
J: To what? Kill me? Did you think I intended to survive while I can sacrifice myself for His return on Earth?
M: Oh shit. We’re not out of the tabarnak explosion area. Herbet, I repeat, we’re not out of the explosion area, you have to…
H: Michel.
M: …Call the others, and if possible…
H: There’s dynamite strapped under my car, Michel.
J: And The Blood Of The Christ Will Not Need To Be Contained In The Impious Goblet Anymore, He Will Have A Crater For Itself, He Will be A Lake, A Sea, An Ocean, And The Savior Will Contemplate The Heretics, And He Shall Say…
M: Tabarnak.
To Our Brothers,
The Sapphire-Opal-Tear Michel Drainant and the Sapphire-Opal-Tear Herbet Jamblais,
Jubilees of Honor for their act of bravery as part of the First Crusade.
Gone fearlessly to confirm there’s nothing after death.
(That means good job, Herbert.)